Thursday, June 11, 2015

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I awake at 3 in
the morning,
the dream still lingering,
the voices softly whispering,
I feel the disappointment,
I feel the sadness,
I feel the emptiness,
I feel the sorrow,
I always wanted to be someone
who made you proud;
but I never was;
now I run backhoes
and drive tractors,
pretending to be
something I am not,
accepting the pain,
ignoring the truth,
doing ‘manly’ things,
but still it’s not enough,
it will never be enough as
the voice inside screams:
“more,”
“more;”
eventually I will fail,
eventually I will quit,
eventually I will give up,
I always do,
I always have;
freedom is about
being free,
free from desires,
free from possessions,
free from fear;
freedom is about
being good enough
to walk away,
pretending it doesn’t matter,
doing without by choice,
not necessity;
freedom is about
being free from
everyone and
everything;
freedom is about being
free from yourself;
the energy fades,
slipping away like air,
forever gone,
never to return,
the time is close now,
the day no longer rules,
things are different in
the darkness of this night,
light disappears,
feelings fade,
words have no place,
secrets of the heart
spill out;
the time is close.
.

.

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