All I Have is You

Concerning the coming of our Lord Jesus Christ and our being gathered to him, we ask you, brothers and sisters, not to become easily unsettled or alarmed by the teaching allegedly from us—whether by a prophecy or by word of mouth or by letter—asserting that the day of the Lord has already come. Don’t let anyone deceive you in any way, for that day will not come until the rebellion occurs and the man of lawlessness is revealed, the man doomed to destruction. He will oppose and will exalt himself over everything that is called God or is worshiped, so that he sets himself up in God’s temple, proclaiming himself to be God. Don’t you remember that when I was with you I used to tell you these things? And now you know what is holding him back, so that he may be revealed at the proper time. For the secret power of lawlessness is already at work; but the one who now holds it back will continue to do so till he is taken out of the way. And then the lawless one will be revealed, whom the Lord Jesus will overthrow with the breath of his mouth and destroy by the splendor of his coming. The coming of the lawless one will be in accordance with how Satan works. He will use all sorts of displays of power through signs and wonders that serve the lie, and all the ways that wickedness deceives those who are perishing. They perish because they refused to love the truth and so be saved. For this reason God sends them a powerful delusion so that they will believe the lie and so that all will be condemned who have not believed the truth but have delighted in wickedness.   2 Thessalonians 2:1-12

another day begins,

the sun rises,

the sun sets,

time passes,

pointing fingers,

assigning blame,

caught up in the self-righteousness,

unable to see past their preconceived

thoughts and ideas,

incapable of comprehending,

trapped in the delusion;

none but a few see;

the moments slip through

our fingers like liquid glass,

everything I once was

has ceased to exist;

all I have is You.

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Wasichus

Wasichus,

you have come without asking,

you have taken without giving,

plundering our land,

stealing our food,

go back from where you came;

until you have learned

some manners.

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Golden Child

hold on to your dreams

my bright beautiful

golden child,

do not let this life

with all its evil and temptations

steal them from you,

be prepared to fight,

do not give in,

do not look for

answers and roads

that are quick and easy,

do not think you can taste

the poisons of this world

without paying a price,

because you will pay

with that which matters

most;

hold on to your dreams,

do not be misled

by the mystery and excitement,

by this illusion designed

to trick and fool,

hold on to your dreams

my dear sweet precious

golden child;

be a warrior,

be strong.

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Warrior

the thundering hooves

sound like mighty cannons,

as ponies of war cry out,

closer they come,

louder they scream,

striking down the enemy

like lightning,

laying waste to

whatever moves,

destroying

all that lives;

with cold sullen eyes

the warrior stares down

at the broken bodies

that once were men,

he takes no pleasure

in death,

only in the sweetness

of survival,

in the warmth

of another breath;

from the early morning mist

he rises,

his eyes have seen the coming

of a new day,

his heart has known the joy

of another battle,

proudly he stretches forth

his scarred and bloody hands,

giving thanks

to the creator

for all things

good and bad.

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What We Are

into nighttime dreams

you come,

soft and warm,

young and sweet,

a gentle reminder,

once there was life,

more than met the eye,

proud and unwavering,

a warrior ready for battle,

full of strength and tomorrow;

now I can only remember,

now I can only dream;

these years pass slowly,

what pompous, self-righteous creatures

are we, climbing slippery slopes,

passing judgment,

determining sentence,

drawing lines in the sand,

never seeing beyond all

that we know,

never knowing more

than what we are,

forever trapped

behind bars

of flesh and blood;

words come slow out here

in this forgotten land,

I sleep a sleep

that is no sleep,

I live a life

that is no life,

I die a death

that is no death,

darkness fills the void,

the world goes on

despite the absence,

bubbling to the surface

in spite of the loss;

is it really just pretend?

is it really something more?

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In the End

Jesus looked directly at them and asked, “Then what is the meaning of that which is written: ‘The stone the builders rejected has become the capstone’? Everyone who falls on that stone will be broken to pieces, but he on whom it falls will be crushed.”   Luke 20:17-18

when I was 18 I was the real deal,

the high school, jock, superstar,

the golden boy

with the golden touch,

class president,

everything to everyone;

it was an image

I spent most of my adolescent years

perfecting;

I could have married the hometown girl,

bought a house in my parents neighborhood,

spent the next 30 or 40 years

making a comfortable living,

gathering after work at the local bar

with all the other hometown boys,

living off old press clippings

and exaggerated sexual conquests,

collecting interest on Friday night touchdowns

and Saturday morning hangovers;

instead I did everything I could

to kill who and what I was;

I wandered,

I searched,

I smoked,

I drank,

I snorted,

I embarrassed,

I lied,

I deceived,

I failed;

I burned every bridge,

I slept with whores,

I broke man-made laws

and spiritual taboos,

I sinned against man,

I sinned against God;

but in the end

I was still here,

stuck in the same skin,

unable to escape,

unable to change,

unable to be anything

but what I was,

trapped by the truth

living inside;

in the end

I became exactly

what I was destined to be,

and You were still there,

knocking,

whispering;

waiting;

in the end

You put Your arms around me,

quietly whispering;

“Don’t be afraid, just believe”

forgiving the beatings,

forgiving the humiliation,

forgiving the suffering,

forgiving the pain,

forgiving the torture,

forgiving the isolation,

endured by You,

for the evil committed by me;

in the end

You forgave the sins

of a world not worthy

to kiss the dust beneath Your feet;

in the end

You shined Your light before me

and my eyes were blind no more;

in the end

I will stand before the throne of Your glory

and the joy shall be forever.

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the hunger

the hunger gnaws,

this sickness,

this disease,

quickly trying

to catch the night

before it flees

back from whence

it came;

far off,

lightning flashes,

thunder rumbles,

shadows quietly slip away,

memories return like

messengers from the deep,

then it is done

as if it never

happened at all;

there are places

in this life where

no man goes,

hidden valleys,

lonesome ridges,

far beyond imagination

or dreams,

it is here refuge is found,

a haven among the lost,

a resting place

within the storm;

out here

there are no promises,

no guarantees,

only silent desperation

and stolen expectations.

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Stolen Ground

I have tasted heights so high,

I have swam depths so deep,

touching things along the way

which were never mine to keep,

traveling beyond all there

was to know,

yet still there is more,

so much more to go;

confusion and sorrow color

these early morning skies,

answers lie hidden

among alternatives and

cascading lies,

places once called home

crumble into the far-off fading light,

faces once called friends

disappear into the approaching black

of this forever growing night;

take my hand,

lead me from this land,

hear my voice,

help me make a stand;

darkness grows above,

storms rise from below,

over-fed pretenders

prepare for the final show,

in this never ending battle

which can never be won,

raging just beyond

all that can be overcome;

into the nighttime void a

whisper does sound,

shadows of tomorrow looming large

across this stolen ground,

mistakes of yesterday forever lost,

innocent blood shed,

freedom at such a staggering cost;

take my hand,

lead me from this land,

hear my voice,

help me make a stand.

.

.

soon enough

love,

death,

hate,

war;

soon enough,

soon enough;

shadows fall upon

hidden fields,

covering invisible wounds,

followed by morning

inconsistencies,

somewhere lies

middle ground,

fresh and innocent,

untested and true,

struggling among

the forgotten debris,

running from unknown

memories,

lost within all

the dirty details;

soon enough,

soon enough;

you think you know,

but you do not,

you never can,

you never will,

there is so much more,

so much beyond

all that you can see,

so much more

than you can ever know,

quiet moments,

late night visits,

fallen kingdoms,

far away dreams;

soon enough,

soon enough.

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lurking

with a song it begins,

this incredible sadness,

this bittersweet goodbye,

no matter how far you run

it always comes back to here;

for everything there is a cost,

for everything there is a loss;

trapped within this wreckage,

hidden among the fading mist,

a price to be paid,

an unanswered question,

an unfulfilled answer;

a beacon for the terminally lost;

this morning,

for the first time in

a long time,

I woke up afraid;

there is an evil lurking here,

floating just below the surface,

an unspoken shadow,

waiting to envelope everything

in its path,

an unseen whisper,

touching depths unknown.

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not a clue

I have been at the top,

I have been on the bottom,

I have been every place

in between,

so don’t judge or condemn,

don’t assume you know

who I am;

you haven’t got a clue;

forever two steps ahead,

continually one step behind,

the days come and go

while the nighttime hides

within gathering midnight

shadows, and still you remain

on my mind;

you haven’t got a clue;

I have tasted the suffering

of tomorrow,

I have known the misery of

one more day,

I have been where you can

never be,

I have seen the gathering dawn

as it silently waits for

the privileged few,

I have heard the sound

of nothing as it calls out

for more;

you do not know,

you do not care

you haven’t got a clue.

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out here

out here,

it never ends;

this longing,

this desire,

this hunger;

this all consuming

consumption;

it defines who you are,

it determines

what you become,

it takes you places

you never knew existed;

out here the ribbons

fly out the door,

the parades pass on by,

time remains right

where you left it,

safe and secure,

in shelters of unmarked

horizons;

out here no one

knows your name,

leaving you cold

and numb,

alone and afraid,

empty and drained,

friends come and go,

night time shadows

fade away into nooks

and crannies of far-away

dreams;

out here only the dust

remains.

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Still I Wait

nothing speaks,

nothing moves,

broken words surrounded

by lost worlds of stagnation,

breeding just outside

this silent door,

stripped of dignity,

smothered in sorrow,

growing shadows cast upon

the wall;

nothing is true,

nothing has value;

liars, hypocrites,

false and fake,

vain and pretentious,

self-righteous posers,

smiles and knowing looks,

full of pompous ignorance,

floating flakes of mist,

gone before dusty feet

hit the ground;

I cannot speak of

days gone by,

I can only speak of here,

I can only speak of now,

there are better places,

there are mysteries unknown,

there is more than what

is showing;

still I wait,

still I wait;

there is nothing left,

there is nowhere else,

the absurdity leaves

everything else behind;

still I wait,

still I wait.

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Next

“Lord, if it’s you,” Peter replied, “tell me to come to you on the water.” “Come,” he said. Then Peter got down out of the boat, walked on the water and came toward Jesus. But when he saw the wind, he was afraid and, beginning to sink, cried out, “Lord, save me!” Immediately Jesus reached out his hand and caught him. “You of little faith,” he said, “why did you doubt?” And when they climbed into the boat, the wind died down. Then those who were in the boat worshiped him, saying, “Truly you are the Son of God.”   Matthew 14:28-33

one more lesson,

one more obstacle,

one more weakness,

one more time I sink

below the surface;

once again You grasp

my hand,

once again You pull

me from the depths,

once again You teach me

to overcome,

once again Your power sets

me free;

the world continues on,

wars and rumors of wars,

death and destruction,

joy and laughter,

greed and self-satisfaction,

vanity and pride;

none of that matters now,

the flesh slowly dies,

only a fading mist,

a disappearing shadow,

I am finished with it all,

there is nothing more

I need,

there is nothing more

I want,

all that matters now is

what comes next,

all that matters now,

is You.

.

.

so it goes

I see everything,

I see nothing,

I hear everything,

I hear nothing,

I know everything,

I know nothing;

and so it goes,

on and on;

lost seconds,

sacred moments,

silently slipping by,

yesterday’s news,

rotting in the grave,

empty houses crumbling

to the ground,

make-believe victories

whispering in the night;

evolving,

building,

gnawing;

evening shadows grow,

memories, like some ancient river

continue to flow,

listening for tomorrow,

dreaming of today;

and so it goes,

on and on;

you think you see,

you think you hear,

you think you know;

but;

you see nothing,

you hear nothing,

you know nothing;

on and on,

and so it goes.

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Forever Nameless

I try to hold you forever,

I breathe you like air,

burn your image in my mind,

never forgetting,

never letting go,

but it does no good,

like all things you fade,

like all things you disappear,

nothing lasts,

nothing remains,

soon it never will be,

tomorrow all that matters,

yesterday dead and gone;

I am tired of being on the outside,

never here,

never there,

just somewhere else,

seeing what others do not,

knowing what no one should,

shadows best left untouched,

trapped within lost endless seas,

the horizon looming up ahead

with no land in sight.

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Take My Hand

The true light that gives light to everyone was coming into the world. He was in the world, and though the world was made through him, the world did not recognize him. He came to that which was his own, but his own did not receive him. Yet to all who did receive him, to those who believed in his name, he gave the right to become children of God— children born not of natural descent, nor of human decision or a husband’s will, but born of God.   John 1:9-13

“Greater love has no one than this, that he lay his life down for his friends.” John 15:13

take my hand,

lead me as one blinded

by their own ignorance,

rebuke my evil ways,

teach me Your discipline,

show me Your truth,

place Your laws within my heart,

let me follow Your example,

help me survive the suffering,

make me understand

what love really is;

I am so lost,

in a world

blinded by

its own darkness,

surrounded by the need

for retaliation and revenge,

judging by man-made rules

and traditions,

where might makes right

and only the strong survive,

killing in the name

of righteousness,

leveling the playing field,

settling the score;

lead me from this place,

forgive the weakness

and corruption,

restore the innocence

forever gone,

shine Your light upon me,

fill me with Your Spirit,

make me holy and clean;

make me a child

of the living God.

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Terminal

we are all terminal

waiting for a final diagnosis,

transients living transitory lives,

making temporary arrangements

in a temporary world,

deciding on choices and decisions

which fade like the early morning mist;

the choice is not ours;

this is not the life

I wanted it to be,

not the man

I thought I would be,

not the person I pretend to be,

some unknown creature

lost and far away,

surrounded by unseen

chains and bars;

the past

forever gone;

the pain grows deeper,

the suffering more intense,

the nighttime darkness closes in,

the silence quietly returns,

doors close without mercy,

we reap what we sow;

searching for a Way,

trusting in the Truth,

waiting for the Light;

today a new day dawned,

the evil dying or dead,

You have restored all that was lost,

pulling me from this

prison of self-absorption;

the misery

forever gone.

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waiting

I am waiting;

searching for truth,

reading the words of fools,

listening to the voices

of liars and thieves;

I see their agendas,

I expose their hypocrisy,

I understand their fears;

there is no love,

there is no pity,

there is only judgment,

there is only condemnation;

and still,

I wait;

one more day,

one more minute,

one more breath,

passing by unnoticed,

unknown,

unheard;

clarity has no meaning

in this land gone mad,

insanity replaces greed

when there is nothing left,

truth does not

give up her secrets

without a fight;

we have consumed

all there is,

we have taken

until there is nothing

more to take,

we have stolen our

children’s legacy,

we have sold

our grandchildren

to the highest bidder;

I live in a world

begging for redemption,

I live in a world

searching for truth,

I live in a world

dying in its own filth,

destroyed by its own wisdom,

caught up in its own righteousness,

floating within its own fantasy,

I live in a world

blinded by its own

darkness,

afraid of its own fear;

words are never enough,

thoughts can go far

when left to their own devices,

does anyone listen?

does anyone care?

I am waiting.

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My Home

we hide inside our houses,

dreaming of the tomorrows,

imagining the possibilities,

running from the darkness,

mystified by the mystery,

trapped within the illusion,

waiting for the destination;

forever seeing,

but never knowing;

forever hearing,

but never understanding;

if it were up to me

I would stay in this place,

seeking shelter from the storm,

swallowed up by the myth,

drowning in the depths,

growing cold from the emptiness,

guarding Your truth

like a rare and precious jewel,

but Your grace knows better;

Your will demands more;

I am searching for my home,

but I don’t know how to get there,

so I quietly wait in the wilderness,

running from the ghosts,

hiding from the demons,

praying for a tomorrow;

my home is neither here nor there,

not ahead or behind,

not without or within,

my home is in a land far away,

a whisper on the howling wind,

a flicker in the candlelight glow;

close your eyes and it is forever gone;

my home is nothing,

my home is everything,

my home is all there is.

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Dark Night No More

dark night no more,

suffering and pain forever gone,

Your precious light shines upon my face,

the road ahead becomes clear,

a new day begins to dawn;

hold me in Your arms,

pour out Your mercy and grace,

soothe the raging storms,

there is only truth,

there is only peace,

there is only love,

there is only You,

there is nothing more I need;

You have defeated the darkness,

You have conquered the fear,

You have restored the life,

You have returned the hope,

You have raised me from the deep;

forgive my foolish ways,

remove my haughty pride,

humble my stubborn heart,

teach me as a father teaches a son,

speak inside my soul,

change my ways;

shield me with Your love,

walk with me through the shadows,

protect me from the night,

be with me wherever I go;

for all my days

I will trust in You.

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The Way of Truth

Jesus answered, “I am the way and the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me. If you really know me, you will know my Father as well. From now on, you do know him and have seen him.”   John 14:6-7

lost in this sea of darkness,

sentenced to die from the day we are born,

guilty as charged, eternally separated,

forever gone;

fill me with hope and joy,

remove this sadness and despair,

show me how to love,

teach me how to live;

the dreams of men are like birds

on the wind,

shifting and rearranging,

living and dying,

here today,

gone tomorrow;

there are many roads in life,

leading to far away, unknown destinations,

creating their own specific brand of justification,

finding their own particular version of truth,

but no matter how many truths we create,

no matter how many different ways

we want to believe;

there is only one truth,

there is only one way,

there is only one road;

it does not bend to fit our ideas or desires,

it does not go in the direction we demand it to go,

it is final,

it is absolute,

that is how truth works;

today I stop living the dreams of men,

today I begin living the truth of God;

“Enter through the narrow gate. For wide is the gate and broad is the road that leads to destruction, and many enter through it. But small is the gate and narrow the road that leads to life, and only a few find it.”   Matthew 7:13-14

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Forever Gone

everything fades,

everything turns to dust,

drifting by like floating leaves

on a flowing mountain stream,

never to return,

never to be seen

again;

this house is not a home,

this place is not a destination,

this time is not an answer;

words fall like rain,

memories slip from their solid grasp,

breathing does not come easy

as you desperately seek just

one more dying gasp;

if you listen

you can hear the wood cracking

before the final collapse,

dark, dead-end streets

paved with suffering and pain

cry out for new victims,

seeking fresh, clean sacrifices;

I have always been there,

making everything right,

but now I stand by and watch

as their lives are destroyed

forever;

this is what I do,

it is who I am,

it is all there is;

my dreams are always chaos,

lying somewhere in the shadows,

hopelessly lost,

forever gone.

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Hideout

I dream of dreams

in this hideout by the sea,

somewhere just between the

living and the dead,

cool, sweet dreams

where the final breath

waits no more;

time runs down,

final destinations no closer

than they were the day before,

answers slip away,

questions no longer matter,

all the thoughts,

all the memories,

undecided,

undetermined;

meaningless;

I can go to this dark place

but I would prefer not,

I have tasted privilege and wealth,

stood on its shore,

walked its path,

seen its hypocrisy,

swallowed its inequity;

choked on its bitterness;

time to go.

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Workshop

I thought about writing again

but then I got a stomachache

so I thought to hell with it;

besides;

what would it prove?

I really don’t care

to by psycho analyzed

by some middle aged, mildly attractive

poet wannabe named Diane,

searching for meaning

in a poem about women at the DMV,

scrutinizing every line to find

political and technical correctness;

I would buy her a drink however,

if I thought there wouldn’t be a test

afterwards;

it is rather amusing though to find out

that there really are people out there

attempting to learn how to write this bullshit,

it makes me wonder if it’s poetry

they’re trying to master

or life;

because I never saw any difference

between the two.

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Christmas Morning

ah glorious morning,

the world holds its breath

in silent anticipation;

soon enough the darkness will return,

the prince of this world guards his kingdom

with insane jealousy,

blinding the truth with words like

god and country,

waving his flags,

creating his heroes,

confusing us with the illusion,

justifying hatred with

patriotic fervor,

making that which is simple

so very complicated,

that which is nothing

so very important,

creating racial and ethnic hatred,

separating and dividing,

but for one shining moment

we see with our hearts

not our minds;

seeing the possibilities

not the realities,

feeling the peace;

thank you blessed King

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.

my Lord

thank You

for loving me,

for forgiving me,

for dying for me,

for paying my debt,

for being perfect,

for being the truth,

for being the light,

for showing me the way;

thank You for these

and so many things

freely given,

which could never be repaid

even if I tried;

fill me with Your spirit,

fill me with Your love,

fill me with Your grace,

fill me with Your mercy,

that others might see Your shining glory,

that they might reach out

for this priceless gift,

offered to all who would receive it;

praise Your name,

for you above all

are worthy.

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Worthy

speak and I shall listen,

lead and I shall follow,

for You are my God

and I am Your servant,

for this purpose was I born,

for this reason do I live;

above You

there is no other,

You alone are worthy,

You alone deserve all praise,

within You do all things lie,

within You are all things possible;

You fill us with Your spirit,

leading us to truth and knowledge,

filling us with the blessed peace,

a gift so precious it surpasses

all understanding,

given freely to all who accept

though none deserve;

oh my Lord,

my spirit cries out for You,

speaking the love and adoration

that is Yours and Yours alone,

let the glory of Your mystery consume me

like a great and wonderful fire;

teach me,

guide me,

admonish me,

cleanse me,

purify me,

sanctify me;

that through faith alone

I might be found worthy

of one such as You.

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Hope?

“Life is a tale told by an idiot – full of sound and fury, signifying nothing” – William Shakespeare.

What has been will be again, what has been done will be done again; there is nothing new under the sun.   Ecclesiastes 1:9

“See that I am He! There is no god besides me. I put to death and I bring to life, I have wounded and I will heal, and no one can deliver out of my hand.   Deuteronomy 32:39

we live,

we die,

we laugh,

we cry;

there is nothing new under the sun;

all the accomplishments of man,

all the clever, flowing words,

meaningless dust,

vanities and vexations,

twisting and blowing,

scattering on the shifting wind,

dark mists of evaporating vapor,

clanging gongs of raucous sound,

deep reservoirs of hopeless hope,

obstinate children full of excess

and self-glorification,

pompous celebrations of mediocrity

and drivel,

early morning shadows,

disappearing with the

noon day sun,

here today,

gone tomorrow,

they are nothing,

nothing at all,

not one can bring

life from death,

not one can escape

the grave;

without You there is no meaning,

without You there is no truth,

without You there is no light;

without You there is no life.

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Imperfection

When Simon Peter saw this, he fell at Jesus’ knees and said, “Go away from me, Lord; I am a sinful man!” For he and all his companions were astonished at the catch of fish they had taken, and so were James and John, the sons of Zebedee, Simon’s partners. Then Jesus said to Simon, “Don’t be afraid; from now on you will catch men.” So they pulled their boats up on shore, left everything and followed him.   Luke 5:8-11

Ignoring what they said, Jesus told the synagogue ruler, “Don’t be afraid; just believe.”   Mark 5:36

my soul has tasted madness,

my soul lies dying in the dust,

choking on the excess,

drowning in the lust,

caught up in the illusion,

dried up,

empty,

no where left to turn,

no where left to run,

guilty as charged;

once again You

raise me from the depths,

once again You

wrap me in Your love,

Your righteousness and glory

more than my filth ridden flesh

can bear,

Your perfection

overwhelming the imperfection

of all that I am;

Go away from me, Lord; I am a sinful man!

once again You quietly whisper;

Don’t be afraid; just believe.

my God,

my King,

my Everything.

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