Sitting in a Mall While Growing Old

“For whoever wants to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for me will find it.  What good will it be for a man if he gains the whole world, yet forfeits his soul?”                                                                            Matthew 16:25-26

“The man who loves his life will lose it, while the man who hates his life in this world will keep it for eternal life.”                                                John 12:25

“For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have everlasting life. For God did not send his Son into the world to condemn the world, but to save the world through him. Whoever believes in him is not condemned, but whoever does not believe stands condemned already because he has not believed in the name of God’s one and only Son. This is the verdict: Light has come into the world, but men loved darkness instead of light because their deeds were evil. Everyone who does evil hates the light, and will not come into the light for fear that his deeds will be exposed. But whoever lives by the truth comes into the light, so that it may be seen plainly that what he as done has been done through God.”

                                                                                    John 3:16-21

“I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.”               John 16:33

It’s not easy growing old,

but then again

it’s not so bad either,

there’s a calm sort of peace

sitting on a bench

in the middle of the mall,

drinking a cup of coffee,

watching people pass you by;

knowing that it will soon be

all over.

You start to see the egotistical agenda

in it all,

for the first time

you begin to understand

the futility;

and it’s just not so bad.

The curtain is pulled back,

the illusion disappears,

the Holy Spirit speaks

and you realize:

nothing of this world matters,

that everything is temporary,

everything is changing,

yet everything remains the same,

all the selfishness, pride, ego, emotions,

feelings, lust, fear, anger, frustrations, greed,

are just self-absorbed hypocrisy,

coming and going,

growing and dying,

fading with each moment

of passing time;

that there is a truth much larger

than life or death.

We fail

because we choose it,

drowning in the madness,

running from the light,

blaming it on destiny,

making friends

with the prince of this world,

wallowing in our self-pity,

crying at the hopelessness,

preferring the darkness,

hiding from the truth;

we fail because we choose it.

Without Jesus there is nothing,

He is the vine,

we are the branches;

the beginning and the end,

the Alpha and the Omega,

the great I am,

the Truth, the Light

and the Way,

through Him do all things exist,

through Him are all things possible,

no man cometh to the Father

but through Him,

praise His holy name forever!

Thought While Sitting in the Pittsburgh Airport

Written many, many years ago - W.F. Rhoads 2012

Occasionally I think

some people actually do like me;

I don’t know why

I never give them any reason to,

I never go out of my way

to raise a conversation

or offer a compliment,

but still;

sometimes I do get the feeling

that some people think I’m okay,

I suppose they mistake the silence

and sullen stare for deep thought

and inner reflection,

when the truth is

I just don’t want to talk to them,

but that’s okay,

I can’t have everybody

thinking I’m a bastard,

although it certainly wouldn’t bother me

if they did.

I like to sit in airports,

If I were rich I’d spend all my time

flying from place to place,

not to see any of them,

although occasionally I might

take a taxi ride into town,

but most of the time

I’d just eat, sleep, and live in the terminal,

perpetually between flights,

watching people,

wondering who they are,

where they’re going,

who they’re fucking,

who they’re not fucking,

of course I’d never talk to any of them,

because then my mental image

would probably be shattered.

In airports

thoughts always come fresh and sharp,

it always seems like there’s options,

that there’s more to life

than the little world

in which we live.

Waiting For The Show

The sun beats down

at 102 degrees as you

silently wait for

the show to begin,

it is always like this,

a pause,

a cost,

a loss;

there is no other way.

The knife cuts deep,

you seek a finish,

a final place of rest as

it comes upon you cold

and wet,

rushing and wild,

strangely familiar;

empty and final.

There are things bigger

than fear or lust,

bigger than insecurities

or satisfaction,

places where the night

gathers once more,

and it is never what it seems,

never what is expected,

licking every last drop,

leaving nothing behind,

raging like a beast

with no hope for tomorrow,

purging every second

for all it is worth,

ripping flesh into

mountainous shreds,

scattering forgotten remains

upon the blowing wind,

howling until the morning

dawn;

a place which no one can see,

a land that no one understands

.

..

Patriotism

I am the LORD, and there is none else, there is no God beside me: I girded thee, though thou hast not known me: That they may know from the rising of the sun, and from the west, that there is none beside me. I am the LORD, and there is none else. I form the light, and create darkness: I make peace, and create evil: I the LORD do all these things. Isaiah 45:5-7 (KJV)

This know also, that in the last days perilous times shall come. For men shall be lovers of their own selves, covetous, boasters, proud, blasphemers, disobedient to parents, unthankful, unholy, Without natural affection, trucebreakers, false accusers, incontinent, fierce, despisers of those that are good, Traitors, heady, highminded, lovers of pleasures more than lovers of God; Having a form of godliness, but denying the power thereof: from such turn away. II Timothy 3:1-5 (KJV)

Trust in the LORD with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding. Proverbs 3:5 (KJV)

Once again the storm begins to build,

the raging winds start to blow,

through the chaos and darkness

You stand like a shining

light upon a hill,

a mighty rock which can never

be moved,

a haven in which to take shelter;

a small, still voice within

the howling madness.

Trapped within their fear,

running from their mortality,

they see

but they are blind,

they hear

but they are deaf,

You are so much more than

psychology or philosophical babble,

so far beyond political agendas or

simple human persuasion;

denying the sovereignty,

demeaning the righteousness,

twisting the truth;

failing to grasp the power.

Ice Cream and Patti Smith

I used to run marathons and hike

12 miles up into the mountains;

now I just want a bowl of ice cream;

life has very little to offer

anymore.

I bought what I thought

was a Patti Smith CD

at the mall today,

it was used and priced at only $4.99,

it was only when I got home

that I realized it was Patty Smyth,

some 1980’s pop star,

not the poet;

I threw it into the trash.

Patti Smith (the poet),

has always fascinated me,

I think she’s one of the

most beautiful women

on the planet,

strong yet vulnerable,

a pioneer of the unknown,

putting it all on the line,

one of a handful

brave enough

to venture into the shit,

so decent people like us

don’t have to;

an amazing individual;

later I got in my truck

and drove to the store;

time for that bowl

of ice cream.

What Love Really Is

Some get it,

most don’t,

they think they do,

but they don’t,

their comments and words

give them away,

but it really is ok,

some of the time

I don’t get it either,

I just put on a knowing look

and pretend with all the rest,

not knowing is bad enough,

admitting that you don’t know

even worse.

It does get hard though,

listening to all the know-it-alls

and self-proclaimed experts,

rambling on and on about

this and that,

as you patiently listen, nod

and smile,

all the while wondering

what you will eat for dinner

when you get home,

or why the One who

does know all

puts up with all the

vanity and bullshit,

why He doesn’t just

speak and make it all

go away:

it’s moments like this

when you realize

what love really is.

.

.

Take My Hand

Take my hand,

lead me as one blinded

by their own ignorance,

rebuke my evil ways,

teach me Your discipline,

show me Your truth,

place Your laws within my heart,

let me follow Your example,

help me to survive the suffering,

make me understand

what love really is;

“Greater love has no one than this,

that he lay his life down

for his friends.” John 15:13

I am so lost,

in a world

blinded by

its own darkness,

surrounded by the need

for retaliation and revenge,

judging by man-made rules

and traditions,

where might makes right

and only the strong survive,

killing in the name

of righteousness,

leveling the playing field,

settling the score;

lead me from this place,

forgive the weakness

and corruption,

restore the innocence

forever gone,

shine Your light upon me,

fill me with Your Spirit,

make me holy and clean;

make me a son

of the living God.

.

.

Purity

“I would estimate that I actively participate in only about 30% of the things I write. The rest of the time I just step aside and become a non-participating observer, a spectator standing in the crowd, wondering what comes next. It can be both exhilarating and frightening at the same time” – W.F. Rhoads (interview)

She has a genuinely gentle soul,

fresh and clean,

innocent and angelic,

a rare find

in a world of trash-talking,

self-promoting,

self-righteous,

hypocrisy.

Like an ancient dream

it haunts you,

waking you up

in the middle of the night,

transcending gender

or flesh,

thinking of the purity,

tasting the sweetness,

wondering about the

authenticity,

like a moth drawn

to the flickering flame,

unable to turn away,

fluttering closer and closer,

basking in the residual

glow.

.

.

A Cult of the Ordinary

The dark night does approach,

silence fills the unending void,

there are consequences

for careless words spoken in haste,

there are prices to be paid

for miscommunications

and mistaken identities,

we have crossed unknown

lines and barriers

without any thought

for tomorrow,

settling for pennies on the dollar,

creating monuments of our

own misgivings,

putting eternal wheels in motion

which cannot be undone,

winning victories,

but in the end

losing the war,

the last breath

waits feverishly

on the wings

of majestic crows,

black and sleek,

seeking refuge among

the lost and forsaken

rubble which

congregates just outside

these prison walls,

waiting for no one,

seeking nothing;

nothing at all.

They never see past the veil,

this charade,

this hideously pathetic impression,

for most it is

business as usual,

part of the routine;

a cult of the ordinary.

.

.

Endoscopy

Had an endoscope today,

was supposed to have someone drive me home,

told them my wife was here;

they never asked if she could drive or not,

it wasn’t bad,

the driving that is,

about 35 miles from Roanoke to home,

I’ve driven further in worse condition,

although it has been awhile,

I did find my past experiences

with one-eyed navigation did come

in handy however,

anyway, I made it home,

was gonna go into work

but decided that wouldn’t be

possible;

so I went to sleep.

Woke up and began to evaluate

what the doctor told me,

it all seemed like a blur,

I remembered something about

Barrett’s esophagus, and esophageal hiatal

hernia,

oh yeah and petechiae and erythema in the

duodenal bulb which is compatible with

duodenitis,

wtf?

Got the papers out,

says they’re going to contact me

with the biopsy results,

hmmmm don’t remember the doctor

mentioning that;

how do they get a biopsy with a

camera?

Anyway, he wants me to continue

taking the proton pump inhibitors,

the same ones I’ve been taking

for 10 years now,

the same ones which doctors have

increased the dosage over the years

so that now I’m taking 4 times the

recommended amount,

the same ones that have resulted

in severe calcium and

vitamin b12 deficiencies,

the same ones that studies have shown

can result in many of the problems I have now,

like my body hurting so bad

I have to take 3 ibuprofen

before I go to work or do any

physical activity,

the same studies which have linked long term

ppi use with stomach and esophageal cancer;

guess the doctor never read that study;

oh, he wants me to stop taking the ibuprofen;

might cause stomach ulcers;

funny;

the endoscope says my stomach

is perfectly normal.

.

.