Just Believe

Ignoring what they said, Jesus told the synagogue ruler “Don’t be afraid; just believe.” Mark 5:36

In the middle of the night

I awake,

gripped with fear,

overcome by the immensity,

afraid of the unknown road ahead,

thinking of all the possible dangers,

unable to control even the smallest detail,

completely inadequate and out of control,

heading on a collision course with disaster,

then I remember the places from where I have come,

all the doors that have been opened,

all the chains which have been removed,

the love and grace that has brought me to this place,

and I hear His soft, cool voice,

gently whispering in the nighttime darkness:

“Don’t be afraid, just believe.”

the fear fades away,

the doubt dissolves into nothing,

the darkness turns to light,

there is only love,

there is only Him;

and that is all that matters.

In the deepest depths,

on the highest heights,

He is there

guiding my path,

showing the way,

the Friend who stands by my side

closer than a brother,

the King who laid down His life

that I might live;

the One who I will love

forever.

.

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Slave

As Jesus was getting into the boat, the man who had been demon-possessed begged to go with him.  Jesus did not let him, but said, “Go home to your family and tell them how much the Lord has done for you, and how he has had mercy on you.”  So the man went away and began to tell in the Decapolis how much Jesus had done for him.  And all the people were amazed.                                           Mark 5:18-20

All my life I have been a slave,

all my life I have been lost,

all my life I have served unseen masters,

all my life I have been a prisoner;

sexual perversions and lust,

spiritual darkness and depravity,

financial debt and personal greed,

unjustified hatred and anger,

self-destructive gluttony,

fantasies and delusions of grandeur,

vanity and self-induced egotism,

malicious slander and vicious lies.

Sacrificially raped,

silently abused and self-tortured,

steadily stripped of all dignity and self-worth,

repeatedly robbed of confidence and truth,

slowly losing any faith or trust,

then You reached out Your mighty hand,

pulling me up from these raging seas,

unlocking the door of this forsaken cell,

delivering me from eternal bondage,

opening my blinded eyes;

no longer a victim,

no longer a slave.

Now I wait for the day

when I will be where You are,

sitting at the foot of Your throne,

basking in Your glory and light,

telling the world of Your mercy and grace,

telling the world what the Lord

has done for me.

.

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All That I Have

You shine like a beacon in the night,

bringing light to a land grown dark,

restoring life to a dying world,

providing truth where there was none,

so many years

spent living in eternal darkness,

no one knowing,

no one seeing;

but You.

Locked away

like some dirty little secret,

the self-inflicted abuse

slowly taking it’s toll,

until there was nothing left;

nowhere left to turn,

nowhere left to run;

then You called out,

leading me to places

never before seen,

showing me possibilities

never before imagined,

by Your suffering and sacrifice

was I saved,

by Your wounds and stripes

was I healed.

You have restored

all that was lost,

You have brought

new hope and joy

where there was none;

to You do I owe all that I have,

to You will I belong forever.

.

.

The Face of True Evil

true evil has no face,

it shifts and moves,

swaying back and forth

like grains of desert sand

in a gently blowing wind,

quietly infiltrating its way

into the minds and souls of those

in high and mighty places,

enticing and alluring;

irresistible;

the ultimate chameleon,

making changes so subtle

they are barely perceptible,

deception in the name of innocence,

taking shape without worry or care,

then disappearing like magic

into the thin night air;

yes,

true evil has no face,

it goes by many names;

eminent domain,

manifest destiny,

god and country,

true religion,

the chosen race,

national pride,

the final solution,

genocide;

to name a few;

and when it has come and gone,

none but a few even realize

it has passed their way

at all.

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Close

I awake at 3 in

the morning,

the dream still lingering,

the voices softly whispering;

I feel the disappointment,

I feel the sadness,

I feel the emptiness,

I feel the sorrow,

I always wanted to be someone

who made you proud;

but I never was.

now I run backhoes

and drive tractors,

pretending to be

something I am not,

accepting the pain,

ignoring the truth,

doing ‘manly’ things,

but still it’s not enough,

it will never be enough as

the voice inside screams:

“more,”

“more;”

eventually I will fail,

eventually I will quit,

eventually I will give up;

I always do,

I always have.

freedom is about

being free;

free from desires,

free from possessions,

free from fear;

freedom is about

being good enough

to walk away;

pretending it doesn’t matter,

doing without by choice;

not necessity;

freedom is about

being free from

everyone and

everything;

free from yourself.

the energy fades,

slipping away like air,

forever gone,

never to return,

the time is close now,

the day no longer rules,

things are different in

the darkness of this night,

light disappears,

feelings fade,

words have no place,

secrets of the heart

spill out;

the time is close.
.
.

Mimi

storm clouds gather,

the final darkness awaits,

the time and the place

were never ours to choose;

in the quiet calm,

the past comes bubbling up,

Christmas and pearl necklaces,

lost among the rubble and ruins,

innocence and honor

victims of the maelstrom;

Mimi, you were never finer,

the seven-sevens never smoother,

the truth never better,

the night never longer;

rest well my friend.