Every Tear

Imagine a world where everything
is as it should be,
as it was meant to be;

no darkness,
no evil,
no fear,
no doubt,
no suffering or pain,
no greed or lust,
no jealousy or envy,
no sadness or anger;

only love.

It’s easy to speak about,
much harder to truly see,
in a world ruled by flesh and lust,
where everything is about
satisfying fleshly desires,
dominated by self-indulgence and carnal pleasure,
with fear controlling every thought and action,
trying to imagine such a world
is almost beyond
normal human comprehension;

but try anyway.

This is the world
which was in the beginning,
the world which shall be restored,
the kingdom that is to come,
where the One who lived
the only perfect life,
will sit on His throne and rule with justice,
protecting all who believe in
and belong to Him.

Where hunger and thirst
will no longer exist,
where the sun shall not beat
nor heat scorch,
where the Lamb shall be their shepherd,
leading them to springs of living water,
where every tear shall be wiped away;

forever.
.
.

All the Days of my Life

Purify me O Lord,
like gold in the refining furnace,
remove the iniquities and impurities,
make me shine like a jewel
standing in the morning sun,
fill me with Your precious fire,
let me reflect the glorious light
that comes from You,
help me to overcome
this body of flesh,
so desperately trying
to drag me back into
the filth and perversion
of the dark and lonely prison
You have freed me from;

praise Your magnificent
mercy and grace.

Give me victory over the enemy,
 who would destroy all that is
perfect and pure,
save me from the illusions and lies
that blind and deceive,
prepare me for the coming battle;

bring me home to You.

Teach me O Lord,
Your holy and righteous ways,
lead me down mysterious paths,
mold the desires of my heart,
guide me into the center of Your will,
be my Master and my King;

let me serve You faithfully
for all the days of my life.
.
.

He is There

The time draws near,
the journey almost at an end,
home is just beyond the distant horizon,
lying only a heartbeat away;

and I am ready.

He is there waiting,
ready to make all things new,
removing the darkness,
wiping away every tear.

The pain will pass,
the doubt will be removed,
the suffering will be no more,
the night will be turned to day;

the joy shall be forever.

And He is there waiting,
ready to make all things new,
removing the darkness,
wiping away every tear.

The words fade away,
time passes like a dream in the night,
these prison walls crumble into the dust,
all things will be as intended;

all things will be made right.

He is there waiting,
ready to make all things new,
removing the darkness,
wiping away every tear.
.
.

The Time Draws Near

Lost in the darkness,
I lie awake
tossing and turning,
frightened and confused,
unsure of the thoughts and emotions,
unable to understand or comprehend
as this dying body of flesh
slowly grows weary and fails,
betrayed by the instincts and hungers
it requires for survival,
destroyed by the intoxicating poisons
it so desperately craves.

The time draws near,
the day is at hand,
soon the morning sun will dawn,
all things shall be revealed.

The light of Your glorious presence
grows brighter,
the power of Your touch
strengthens and renews,
everything changes,
everything fades;

You are all I need,

You are all there is.

Lead me through this wilderness,
let Your righteousness be my guide,
let Your glory shine for all to see,
let Your holy will be done.

Allow me to serve You all my days,
for in You I shall find my deliverance,
in You I shall rise from the dark,
through You I shall overcome;

You who are my Lord,
You who are my King,
You who are my Everything.
.
.

Just Believe

Ignoring what they said, Jesus told the synagogue ruler “Don’t be afraid; just believe.”
                                                                                                                                                 Mark 5:36

In the middle of the night
I awake,
gripped with fear,
overcome by the immensity,
afraid of the unknown road ahead,
thinking of all the possible dangers,
unable to control even the smallest detail,
completely inadequate and out of control,
heading on a collision course with disaster.

Then I remember the places from where I have come,
all the doors that have been opened,
all the chains which have been removed,
the love and grace that has brought me to this place,
and I hear His soft, cool voice
gently whispering in the nighttime darkness:

“Don’t be afraid, just believe.”

The fear fades away,
the doubt dissolves into nothing,
the darkness turns to light,
there is only love,
there is only Him,
and that is all that matters.

In the deepest depths,
on the highest heights,
He is there
guiding my path,
showing the way,
the Friend who stands by my side
closer than a brother,
the King who laid down His life
that I might live,
the One who I will love

forever.
.
.

In the Early Morning Silence

In the early morning silence
You quietly arrive,
washing over me
like a warm ocean wave,
humbling my haughty spirit,
cleansing my filth ridden soul,
removing the darkness and dread,
renewing the faltering strength,
letting me know that I am Yours,
and You are mine,
forever.

Praise Your precious name,
never leave me alone,
stay with me
throughout the cold, black night,
save me from the darkness
waiting outside,
protect me from
unseen traps and snares,
for I am just the branch
and You are the vine,
You are the one
who provides life,
You are the perfect prize
waiting at the end
of this long and winding road,
without You I am so lost,
without You I can do nothing,
with You all things are possible,
with You I can do all things.

Fill me with Your Holy Fire,
descend upon my head
like a powerful rushing wind,
let me shine
like a great and wondrous light,
burning for all the world to see,
guide my faltering feet,
lead me where You would
have me go,
use me for Your righteous will,
remake me in Your beautiful
and holy image;

bring me home to You.
.
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Rejoice

Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice! Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near. Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.    Philippians 4: 4-7

The cold black night quietly closes in,
the pain steadily intensifies,
blinding and overwhelming,
becoming more than I think
my spirit can possibly bear,
hope slowly fades,
rage fills my mind and heart,
bitterness and anger grow,
until it feels as though
I am about to burst,
the enemy silently waits,
ready for the final kill.

Then You reach out
across the long lonely miles,
using unsuspecting and
unexpected messengers,
gently reminding me
that You are near,
softly speaking words of encouragement,
renewing my faltering spirit,
providing new found courage,
making it possible to rise once again.

The pain begins to dissolve,
the darkness turns to light,
hope comes flooding in
like a mighty river,
Your blessed peace surrounds me
like a well worn blanket,
the enemy retreats
back into the blackness
from which he came.

Once more You have delivered me
from unseen traps and snares,
once more You have brought hope
where there was none to be found,
once more You have saved me
through Your never ending
mercy and grace,
I will rejoice in You,
I will declare Your wondrous love,
I will praise Your holy name;

forever.
.
.

Down the Road Where You Lead

Amidst the lost and lonely emptiness
of this long cold night,
I search for Your wonderful presence;
throughout the constant bombardment and battering
of the enemies cruel and vicious attacks,
I cry out for You.

O Lord,
be real within my mind and heart,
do not be distant and far away;
reach out Your mighty hand,
bring forth Your glorious
mercy and grace,
show Your servant blessed favor.

Silence the careless words
of anger and hurt
rolling off my venomous tongue;
remove the thoughts of evil and lust
clouding my flesh-driven mind;
pull me from this iniquity and filth
I find myself drowning in.

I can’t make it any other way,
I have tried so many times before;
I have searched for so very long,
I have walked in darkness all my life.

You are the only answer,
You are the only truth,
You are the only light,
You are the only way.

Save me Lord,
heal my broken spirit,
shelter me from the gathering storm,
guide my every step,
fill me with Your perfect love,
teach me Your righteous and holy ways,
remove anything not of You.

Down the road where You lead
I will travel;
Yours is the face I will seek
for all of my days.
.
.

Jeremiah 17:14

I have traveled so far,
still I return
to this place where I once began,
this land of degradation and pain,
where darkness and silence
live hand in hand;

I have traveled so far,
yet have I gone nowhere?

Deliver me O LORD,
do not give me more
than my broken spirit can bear,
do not leave me here
to face the enemy
I could never overcome alone.

In You will I place my trust,
in You will I seek my hope,
in You will I find my salvation,
in You will I enter my rest.

Touch me that I might be healed,
test me that I may be confirmed,
turn me from paths
that do not lead to You,
teach me how to walk in Your light.

For if You heal me O LORD,
I will be healed;
if You save me,
I will be saved;

for you are the One I praise.
.
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Romans 12:21

Put on the full armor of God so that you can take your stand against the devil’s schemes. For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms.  
                                                                                                             Ephesians 6:11-12 (NIV)

In the depths of my carnal mind
the master of darkness softly speaks,
quietly searching for weakness and flaws,
silently planting his evil seeds;

seeds of lust and temptation,
seeds of doubt and fear,
seeds of hatred and anger,
seeds of revenge and retribution;

corrupting and twisting the truth,
clouding all that is real,
tearing down and destroying
until there is nothing left within,
building walls and divisions
between my brother and I,
putting words of venomous hate
on the tip of my imperfect tongue,
attempting to devastate and waste
all that is good,
all that is pure,
all that is holy and righteous;

all that is from God.

You patiently discipline and rebuke,
until at last I am able to understand;
providing the light for my blinded eyes
while gently holding my trembling hand;
guiding my feeble and wavering steps
as I slowly learn to stand.

Raise me up above the filth and mire,
hold me in Your mighty arms,
remove the darkness surrounding my soul;

teach me to not be overcome by evil
but to overcome evil with good.
.
.

Lead Me O Lord

Lead me O Lord,
by ways I have not known,
guide me along unfamiliar paths,
turn the darkness into light,
make smooth the rough
and rocky places.

I turn to You in sorrow and humility,
contrition and repentance
cloud my troubled spirit,
forgive the iniquities and transgressions,
remove the darkness inside my soul,
fill me with the hope of Your presence,
restore the joy of knowing You.

All things are possible
for You mighty Lord,
no task too difficult,
no request too great,
no mountain too high.

You who created all that is known,
You who command the wind and sea,
You who were the first,
You who are the last,
in You shall I place my trust,
in You shall I find peace.

Be my Savior!
Be my King!

Let me be Your servant
forever.
.
.

All I Ever Need

Change my heart O Lord,
remove the darkness lurking within,
take away the lonely emptiness,
save me as only You can.

I know the inadequacies,
I feel the uncertainty and doubt,
I try to hide the incompetence,
I hear the rage scream and shout.

Inside I am as dry bones,
my voice broken and unheard,
my skin burns with unquenchable fire,
my spirit longs for Your Holy word.

Open my eyes O Lord,
reach out Your mighty hand,
remove the temptations of this flesh,
help my carnal mind understand.

Allow me to overcome
all which keeps us apart,
deliver me from evil,
purify my wounded heart.

Heal my broken soul,
cleanse my every thought,
sanctify every motive,
by Your precious blood
have I been bought.

Fill me with Your love,
walk with me for all my days,
teach me Your discipline,
show me Your righteous ways.

You are where I want to be,
Yours is the voice I long to hear,
Your love is all I need,
with You I will not worry or fear.

Without You I am nothing,
with You I have
all I will ever need,
You are my Savior and King,
through You I have been
forever freed.
.
.

Through You

I come before You O Lord,
broken and corrupt,
a lowly lump of clay
ready to be shaped
by Your blessed and holy hand.

Teach me Your ways
that I may walk in them forever,
show me Your truth
that it might be engraved in my soul,
immerse me in Your love and grace
that I might find life more abundant,
shine Your light before my eyes
that they may be blind no more.

Through You are all things made new,
through You are all things possible,
through You do we find strength,
through You do we have hope.
.
.

In The Morning

In the morning when I awake,
You are there,
flooding my soul with hope,
removing the internal darkness,
bringing comfort and relief,
renewing my strength,
providing the joy and peace
I so desperately need.

Being where You are
is all I ask,
standing at the foot of Your throne
is all I desire,
for You shall provide
everything I need,
You shall wipe away
every tear.

What words can describe
Your mighty glory?
What thoughts can compare
with Your magnificent truth?

You who made the heavens,
You who command the seas,
You who control the winds,
You who know the hearts
of every man.

I fall down in
humility and awe
at the feet of
Your wondrous presence,
let every breath
be breathed for You,
let every lip
praise Your holy name.

O mighty Lord,
let me worship You
forever.
.
.

Yeshua

What words have I,
that pay honor to a King?
What gift can be given,
worthy of His name?

He who overcame,
He who defeated death forever,
He who reigns eternally,
He who is our master.

Mocked and mistreated,
spit upon and reviled,
beaten and scourged,
led like a lamb to the slaughter,
sacrificed upon a tree
for our iniquities
and transgressions,
resurrected from the grave
that through faith in Him
none should perish,
but all might have life.

Through Him
are all things possible,
through Him
are all things made new,
to Him does all praise belong,
to Him is all glory given,
lift up His name
before all others;

Yeshua,
the Holy One of God.
.
.

The True Vine

“I am the true vine, and my Father is the gardener. He cuts off every branch in me that bears no fruit, while every branch that does bear fruit he prunes so that it will be even more fruitful. You are already clean because of the word I have spoken to you. Remain in me, and I will remain in you. No branch can bear fruit by itself; it must remain in the vine. Neither can you bear fruit unless you remain in me. I am the vine; you are the branches. If a man remains in me and I in him, he will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing.”      John 15:1-5


You are the true vine,
I am the branch,
apart from You
I am nothing,
within You
I become fruitful,
within You
I am a son
of the living God.

Your light is greater
than words can express,
Your love fills
even the deepest valley,
Your words speak truth
far beyond
what my limited mind
can comprehend;

hold on to me
forever.
.
.

Let Me Belong to You

The Darkness:
But if thine eye be evil, thy whole body shall be full of darkness. If therefore the light that is in thee be darkness, how great is that darkness!                Matthew 6:13

The Light:
For thou art my lamp, O LORD: and the LORD will lighten my darkness.   2 Samuel 22:29


The people that walked in darkness have seen a great light: they that dwell in the land of the shadow of death, upon them hath the light shined.         Isaiah 9:2


Then spake Jesus again unto them, saying, I am the light of the world: he that followeth me shall not walk in darkness, but shall have the light of life.      John 8:12

I am done with darkness
and all it’s misery and suffering,
done trying to live in it,
trying to be a friend of it,
trying to understand it,
trying to please it,
being afraid of it;

I am done with darkness.

Let me live in Your light,
let me grow in Your love,
let me rejoice in
Your mercy and grace,
let me be a lamp
set upon a hill,
let me have the light of life;

let me belong to You.

So many have lost hope,
sitting trapped in self-made prisons
of darkness and despair,
searching for false truths
and solutions leading nowhere,
depending on man-made answers and
inventions of their own minds;

let me belong to You;

You are the truth,
You are the light;
You are the Way.
.
.

Waiting For You

Everyday becomes less clear,
paths well-known slowly fade,
familiar faces slip into the background,
everything becomes more shrouded,
more temporary,
running from well placed snares,
hiding behind silent shields;

I am holding on,
waiting for You.

These emotions ebb and flow,
this uncertainty totters on the edge
then topples into the flames,
the night closes in,
the filth sticks like glue,
yet the fire remains within,
even now I search for a way,
still the sun does rise,
still a new day does begin;

I am holding on,
waiting for You.

Words fall like tears,
meaning very little and
saying even less,
the only key in a world
of illusion and mirage,
the only clues
to forgotten mysteries
and empty memories.

Cleanse me of this depravity,
remove this terrible darkness
from my sight,
open the door to this prison cell
once again,
free my spirit,
guide my path home;

I am holding on,
waiting for You.
.
.

Forever

When you are troubled,
turn to Him
and He will be there,
when you are despaired,
call out His name
and He will hear;

this world,
this life,
this time,
this moment,
all pass away;

but His love is forever.

For He will never forsake us,
never leave us,
this is His word,
this is His holy promise,
to all who believe,
to all who trust,
on His wonderful
and precious name.
.
.

Seige

Outside this worn and battered fortress
the enemy patiently waits,
laying siege to these crumbling walls,
setting hidden traps and snares,
offering enticing lures and baits,
silently probing and testing,
continuously searching for
weakness and flaws;

preparing for the final assault.

Within the darkness
I seek Your face,
through the long lost night
I wait for Your presence,
rise up O mighty Lord,
defend me from unknown enemies,
free me from unseen prison bars,
fill me with Your holy fire,
bathe me in Your glorious light,
overwhelm me with Your holy spirit.

You are all that I desire,
You are all that I need,
You are the center of my hope,
You are the answer to every question;

You are all there is.

In You shall I find relief,
through You shall I overcome,
in You shall I have victory,
through You shall I be delivered.

Stay with me forever,
strengthen my weakening defenses,
prepare my heart for the coming battle,
let me be triumphant in the face of defeat;

bring me home to You.
.
.

Worthy

Speak and I shall listen,
lead and I shall follow,
for You are my God
and I am Your servant,
for this purpose was I born,
for this reason do I live.

Above You there is no other,
You alone are worthy,
You alone deserve
all worship and praise,
within You do all things lie,
within You are all things possible.

Washed with the blood
sacrificed for so many,
You fill us with your spirit.
that we might find true understanding,
that we might know
true knowledge and peace.

A gift so precious
it surpasses all understanding,
given freely to all who accept,
though none deserve.

Oh my Lord,
my spirit cries out for You,
speaking the love and adoration
that is Yours and Yours alone,
let the glory of Your mystery
consume me like a great
and wonderful fire;

teach me,
guide me,
admonish me,
cleanse me,
purify me,
heal me,
sanctify me,

that through faith alone,
I might be found worthy
of one such as You.
.

.

Mediocrity

I am tired of mediocrity,
I am tired of compromise and second best,
I am tired of almost and maybe,
I am tired of what could have been
or what should have been,
I am tired of half truths and inventions of the mind;

I am tired of the religions of men.

I want truth,
I want reality,
I want depth,
I want freedom,
I want light,
I want the living Jesus,
I want the living God,
I want the Comforter
who speaks of all truth,
who fills with power and fire.

Lead me by Your word O Lord,
let me glorify Your precious name,
show me Your will my God,
that I might live in it forever.

Free me from this prison
of darkness and lies,
renew that which was lost
so long ago,
restore the light
of Your glorious presence,
let me sit in Your shadow,
remove anything
not of You O Lord;

be my King
forever.

Fill me O Lord,
guide me O Lord,
let me walk in Your will,
let me be a son in whom
You may take pride,
serving You is my purpose;

living for You is all I need.
.
.

Deliver Me

Within nighttime dreams,
I walk in cold, forsaken places,
dark, dead lost places,
far beyond the reach of hope.

I listen to the suffering,
I hear the sorrow,
I feel the pain,
I know the emptiness;

they are places through which
I have walked before.

When I awake
You are there,
standing by my side,
never letting go,
never walking away,
renewing and healing me,
blessing me when I deserve nothing,
forgiving me
when I cannot forgive myself,
reminding me that without You
I can never overcome.

Deliver me O Lord
from dark, dead places,
lost and forgotten places,
hidden within the shadows of dreams;

take away the emptiness
as only You can.

Hold me now,
bathe me in Your light,
fill me with Your love,
surround me with Your glory,
let me belong to You forever;

my Savior,
my King,
my God,
my Everything.
.
.

Parole

Within the conquering depths
of this cold black cell,
You bring hope and life;
from the empty solitude
of this perpetual dungeon,
You fill me with your light;
trapped in the endless despair
of this eternal bondage,
You bring freedom and peace;

This prison,
holding me captive all my life,
no longer decides
who or what I shall be.

This depraved fortress of iniquity,
filled with unending suffering and pain,
where so much has been lost,
no longer shackles me
in the binding chains of anger and fear.

The master of eternal night,
whose darkness and lies
deceive the whole world,
no longer blinds my eyes.

Freed from this prison
at a cost beyond compare,
paroled by Your sacrifice and love
through Your amazing mercy and grace,

PRAISE YOUR NAME FOREVER!!!
.
.

Etc.

Growing up,
I never wanted the normal things;
money, good job, family, etc.,
my vision was always a stage
playing rock and roll music
in front of huge cheering crowds,
with everyone who never believed (in me),
who never thought I’d be much of anything,
old girl friends, parents, teachers, etc.,
sitting in the front row,
realizing just how wrong they had been.

It was this vision
that made me play so hard in sports,
even though I could have cared less
about winning or losing,
it was the roar of a crowd
during a touchdown run
or game winning hit
that I lived for,
and even though I talked about
all the other things:
teamwork, hustle, hard work, etc.,
it was all bullshit,
it was never about anything but adulation,
and payback.

My life was a lie then
just as it is today,
as I go to my dead end job,
pretending to be a good husband,
father, co-worker, etc.,
talking about right and wrong,
morality, beliefs, etc.,
telling my daughter
about teamwork,
hustle, hard work, etc.,
when inside
I’m still standing on that stage,
before thousands
of screaming, adoring fans,
looking down at old girlfriends,
 parents, teachers, etc,
screaming into the microphone;

“See!
you were wrong all the time!”
.
.

Only For a Moment

Only for a moment
let me rest here;

only for a moment.

Proud eroticism
steals away the hour,
passing into a distant night
without a sound
as we silently wait.

Take my hand now,
guide it for your purpose,
fill the outer land
with the smile
of your purposeful hatred,
sick within its own self-pity,
dying upon these empty walls,
flowing so gently,
so completely.

They have taken it all,
leaving nothing in return,
withered and drained,
left lying on the side
of this dark
and dangerous abyss,
waiting for an end
which never comes.

I have no wise words left,
it is their world
not mine.
.
.

Sigmund's Full of Shit

When you’ve been
on both sides of the fence,
you know it’s not a question
of which side is greener,
it’s only a matter of
which side is green at all, and
you wonder quietly at
what a cruel, terrible joke
this is;

do the questions never
have an answer?

And you silently wish
for a reason,
an excuse,
some childhood abuse,
daily beatings
or a solid drop on the head,
anything to explain
why
you are the way you are,
but there is nothing,
only proving;

Sigmund’s full of shit.
.
.

The Bearded Man

I dream of far away places,
sitting in the sun
with blue skies and bright clouds
floating softly overhead,
birds singing sweetly,
as mighty rivers flow gently by,
then,
the dying monster reaches out,
dragging me back down
into his pit;

he does not want
to die alone.

Smiling,
he stares serenely into my eyes,
then pats my head
like the obedient dog
that I am;

“You have come far my jaded son,
walk with me just a little while longer
and to you shall I give everything
in all its dark and blackened glory.”

And if you listen hard
you can hear the buzzing
of ten billion ravenous flies,
coming to feast on all that is
or ever will be;

“The earth shall be rid of flesh,
freeing our rotting souls
from these prison walls forever.”

The bearded man
paid a visit last night,
silently staring into the future
he never said a word,
but the evil hanging in the air
smelled of death and fear;

I awoke in a pool
of terror and sweat.
.
.

Dead Places

Dead places,
hidden among the rain soaked fields,
call out
like long lost friends,
searching for days gone by
and empty roads
never traveled.

Grand plans,
big ideas,
so much lost on the way,
in this desolate wilderness
called home.

It scares them to know
someone sees through their masks,
their charades,
they grow uneasy
when they see themselves
through the eyes of another,
tossing and turning,
generating huge ocean waves
among the tranquil seas.

Fools,
playing foolish games
with deadly consequences,
children lost in chaos
and hopeless jungle forests;

dead places
know.
.
.

Oh Poet

Innocent blood
running softly across the ground,
pouring out the sad sweetness
which makes you all that you are.

The cell grows smaller,
the chains pull tighter,
solitary,
it is all you deserve,
everything that was asked for
in the end
became reality,
only distant memories are left;

the ultimate denial,
the absolute illusion,
the final humiliation.

Let it flow,
feel its implistic texture,
round and rough,
bubbling up
like some forgotten brew,
bitter with vile,
forsaken by death,
floating in timeless gel.

I don’t know
if I can ever return
to this place
called home,
in this land of love
it all comes out wrong,
it all seems so ridiculous,
like it never really was;

oh poet
deny thy craft,
speak not
lest someone hear your voice.
.
.

The Night

Cold and barren,
the windswept fields,
dark and gray
in the moonlight walking,
through wooded meadows
she calls;

and I must go.

Her voice
beckoning my soul
to come lie at her feet,
she washes my face
with her raven hair,
wet with teardrops
from things
unseen,
unknown;

in her arms
I know no fear.

She is the night,
when she calls
no man resists her voice;

she is the darkness
living in us all.
.
.

SON

Somewhere he waits
and I listen,
as the silence
grows painfully louder.

SON;

I wish I could tell you that you’re mine
but you’re not and never were,
still there is that bond
and I guess that is the way
it will always be.

SON;

I wish I could show you
the beauty of your shining sisters’ smiles,
I imagine you must be
very much like they are,
except they are mine
and you are not;

and never will be.

SON;

I make no excuses
for the things that took place,
and I wouldn’t have any
even if I did,
to be honest
it didn’t have a thing
to do with you,
as hollow as that may sound,
it’s just the way
things worked out,
but still I do remember;

which is more
than I left to you.
.
.

Hot Summer Nights

In the dead of the night
the quiet becomes a roar,
as the stench of days gone by
and love that never was,
rises from their sewer pits
far below.

And no one ever notices,
except the few
who recognize the familiar scent,
for it is one
they have smelled
many times before.



Hot summer nights
were made
for lonely cups of coffee
and empty highway lines.
.
.

now I know

now I know,
why junkies stick needles
in their arms
and lie dying
in back street alleys;

now I know,
why death comes
before the body
actually dies;

now I know
what Christ felt.

now I know,
where people go
when there is
nothing left;

now I know,
just how black
the darkness of the night
can be;

now I know,
just how deep
the bottom
really is;

now I know,
and the needle,
and the powder,
and the shots of whiskey,
and death,
only make it;

legitimate;

now I know,
and have lived
to tell about it.
.
.

This Dream

The moments come and go,
just a different twist,
a fairer fate,
another turn,
a better choice,
life and death,
darkness or light,
nothing and everything,
something else;

we come so close.

83 dead,
the silence shattered
as the gunman reloads,
Louisville in mourning,
there are things never
forgotten;

who is to say?
who is to know?

does it never end?

The sun rises,
a new day’s heat begins,
suffocating and choking,
flesh melting like
yesterday’s butter,
chard and putrid,
fresh rubber sizzling
like bacon in grease
on the soft asphalt surface,
one more on the road,
out of the frying pan
and into the fire;

another one tastes the dust.

Take it away,
let it be no more,
bring about an end,
take it from my eyes,
take it from my mind,
this whisper,
this hush;

this dream.
.
.

All The Way

The moments begin
and end,
with just a touch of
woeful disdain,
a small taste of
eternal separation;

without all the hysterics (please).

Final goodbyes
are always hard to say,
brighter tomorrows
seem to simply fade away,
as once again words pass on by,
like fresh young virgins
in mid-summer dreams.

There is a place
where memories run,
lost in fields of silk and gold,
surrounded by empty voices
and echoes of days never known,
buried deep within
dark, dangerous clouds
of approaching winter storms;

did you think there would be
no consequences?
did you think it could go on
forever?

only the price to pay,
the cost of doing business
in this land of lost farewells;

big talk
and $25 words
don’t mean shit around
here,
they never did,
and they never will;

rip it open,
let it bleed;

tonight we’re going
all the way.
.
.

Norma

You were the only one
who even came close,
the rest only saw what they
wanted to see,
what I allowed them
to see;

but you saw more.

I gave you a glimpse,
bringing the folder
to your front door,
later you gave them back
with note attached,
I never tried again;

but still,
I appreciated the effort.

Thank you Norma,
for being a kind and
caring person,
in a world so dark
and cold.
.
.

Fading Fast

I sleep a sleep that is no sleep,
I live a life that is no life,
I die a death that is no death,
I dream a dream that is no dream,

I am fading fast.

All my life
I have been trying to write
the ultimate line,
the perfect poem,
the last word,
the final solution;

there is nothing left.

I am tired,
everyday is the same old thing,
words nauseate me,
food and breathing
seem like unnecessary burdens,
my guts are rotting from the inside out,
my teeth are grinding into dust,
my brain is turning to mush,
my cock is a useless piece of string,
I am sick of objects,
repulsed by their touch,
their sight,
I want to walk naked into the desert,
no destination,
no return,
I want to write words that will bring
tears to a blind man,
I want to dance with queens and
other fantasies,
run with wolves and ghosts,
I want to slip quietly away
like a beast in the night;

I am fading fast.
.
.

The Most Dangerous Man in America

He was a man of undeniable courage,
but what did he really prove?

that governments lie,
that politicians care more about
their political careers than truth,
that men in power use that power
to satisfy personal agendas,
that people are more afraid of losing
their jobs than doing the right thing,
all he really did was expose
what most already knew;

they just preferred not to talk about it.

Has anything really changed?
young soldiers are still dying on
far-away foreign soil,
in wars that have nothing to do with
freedom and democracy or
reasons the government tells us,
as neighboring allies slaughter
peaceful protesters in an attempt to hold on
to corrupt monarchies and dictatorships,
wars we can never win,
it’s just a matter of waiting it out,
eventually we will have to leave,
(they know that);

(just like the Viet Cong knew).

Back home the silent majority pays lip service to
“all our heroes in Iraq and Afghanistan”,
hearing about two more killed by a roadside bomb,
as they channel surf on their 32” HD televisions,
shaking their heads and thinking;

‘what a shame, so young too,’

filling up gas tanks for weekend trips to the beach,
wondering what kind of beer to buy,
what the weather is going to be like;

how much higher these damn gas prices
are going to go up.
.
.

Nothing Left to Say

The morning rises
dark and cold,
this time without sound,
this night without day,
forty years and twenty million
empty words later,
beautiful dreams fade,
broken and dead,
new visions and epiphanies
fill the void,
feeble and weak;

nothing left to say.

All the self-absorbed pity,
all the weakness and fear,
all the lost moments,
all the wasted time,
this cacophony of
endless excuses,
proud and vain within
their self-made universe,
without soul or purpose,
without depth or emphasis,
just one more day,
one more touch,
one more breath;

away.

Rules have no meaning here,
fantasies move back and forth,
flying like the wind,
abandoned with the morning trash;

no one knows the cost,
no one knows the price.

Before Your throne do I fall,
into Your hands do I place my life,
upon Your mercy and grace
lies my only hope;

I am Yours
to do with as You will.
.

.

Rimbaud

Disreputable, mean, ruthless;
perverse, hateful, wretched;
this poetry,
this darkness;
greatness in the eyes of many,
a despicable cancer,
a reflection of their desire
and destruction;

all they know.

If it were mine to give,
there would be no more darkness,
no more empty promises,
no more dead ends;
childish fantasies,
put away forever,
swallowed up
by innocent yesterdays
and intellectual tomorrows.

These vanishing dreams disappear,
washed away by burning
acidic screams,
inside this land of shadowy perpetrators,
lost within cold, black tombs
of liquid, crystal night.

Somewhere beyond this edge
the horizon lies,
buried inside soulless caverns
where only fools and dead men live,
old memories rise,
tasting like sawdust soaked
in tar,
a glimpse into depths
they can only imagine,
a touch beyond
everything they know,
titillating, exciting,
spending all they have,
only a word away,
darkness is not hard to find;

it is light that eludes most.
.
.