Days Like This/Behind the Crimson Door

desperation breeds invention,

creativity the key to survival,

it’s hard to give, when there’s nothing left to offer,

even harder to take, when you’ve taken all there is to take;

we’re all just holding on;

today was a picture perfect day,

not a cloud in the sky,

not too hot, not too cold,

cool gentle breeze blowing,

sweet and pure;

days like this are the worse;

the sadness comes seeping to the surface

on days like this,

the yearning for escape softly whispers,

the need to anesthetize cries out;

days like this always make me want to get buzzed,

days like this always make me want to forget;

so many traps,

so many snares,

so many one-way roads

with destinations leading nowhere;

never going down that path no more;

darkness lives,

just outside this crimson door,

waiting like a stranger in the shadows,

slithering as a snake back into its hidden hole,

purpose has no meaning here,

clarity just a slip of the tongue,

silence fills the endless void,

words die like falling leaves on a tree;

days like this never end;

the obsession grows,

steady and slow,

without beginning or end,

distant clouds on the horizon,

wandering in this wilderness,

the enemy waits for the moment;

the storm is never far away;

outside, there is talk of change,

as some hold on to the hope,

still others grow cold,

either way the sun rises and sets,

with or without our consent;

when the Son of Man returns,

will there be any faith to find?

this moment no longer moves,

out here, among the frozen wasteland,

dark and endless, forgotten and alone,

cold to the bitter bone,

old voices fill the air,

cries of the raging beast,

secret sanctuaries hiding within the chaos,

butterflies flowing on the wind,

lost somewhere within nighttime shadows,

waiting for something more,

madness my old friend,

I can no longer deny your sweet touch;

it always begins like this,

it always ends as something else,

like the lead character

in a Fellini film,

wandering through fields

of golden nonsense,

swept away by the growing hush,

traveling a hundred miles

to move an inch;

the crimson door

knows no pity.

.

.

a.d.

Denver, you scarlet whore,

you changed my life forever,

you made me into something new,

it all began with you, it should have

all ended with you,

there was b.c.. (before Colorado),

and there was a.d. (after Denver);

Colorado, what delight you took in misery then,

lying shattered and ruined, yet there remained time,

as the future appeared full of endless dreams

and infinite possibilities, in the middle of ancient temples,

ripe for the ransacking;

in the morning, you walked into the

dark and empty streets, waiting for a Denver sunrise,

which never came, boarding a bus for the ride to Greeley,

which never seemed longer;

the pawn brokers had little sympathy, for lost love and

broken memories, offering only a pittance,

but you were glad to take it;

even dead men have to eat;

for a moment, I remembered the magic,

the sheer exhilaration of life itself,

it was the music, it was the air,

it was the anticipation of things no

longer there,

the world was young, dark and mysterious,

the phantom night was waiting to swallow

fantasies and fools, and Colorado

was a million miles away, lost in dreams

and endless lover’s sighs;

……. oh how I cried for you.

.

.

Speed of Sound

living life at the speed of sound,

it gets hard to remember what is real,

these disguises that I wear,

make it tough to know what I actually feel,

been moving so fast,

never had time to count the years,

I just keep laughing in the rain,

so no one can see the tears,

there were so many women,

but inside I always knew they’d go,

like falling autumn leaves,

when winter’s wind begins to blow,

I waited for so long,

waiting for that special one,

like the darkness of the night,

waiting for the early morning sun;

from the moment we met,

I knew it was you,

though I never said it,

in my eyes you could see it too,

maybe it was just too late,

I’d waited for so long,

when I finally found you,

I didn’t have the strength to be strong;

so sad,

when you finally find one you could love,

only to find there’s nothing left to give,

and thoughts of what could have been,

is all you’ll ever have,

the rest of the life you live.

.

.

No Matter What

she calls me at work everyday,

it is the nicest part of the day,

it is the only part of the day

that really matters;

I sit by my phone like a dog in heat,

waiting to hear her magical voice,

filling me like some enchanting song,

making me happier than I have ever been;

she loves to tease,

talking about performing various sex acts,

knowing that I can’t answer back,

because I am surrounded by cubicles,

with people hearing every word being said,

I can feel them listening,

I think it must be the love her and I share,

it is an awesome ‘thang’(as she would say),

it makes the whole office pause with its power,

or perhaps it is only my heart that pauses,

making it seem like the rest of the

world has stopped;

I threaten to put her on speakerphone,

but she knows that I won’t,

so she only laughs,

then continues to talk about things

I can only dream about,

things that only we share;

she is my beautiful flower,

my fantastic Mayan princess,

who I would follow to the ends of the world;

we both know the odds are not in our favor,

but if any love could survive,

it will be ours,

I will never let go,

I will hold on as long as she wants me too,

as long as she allows me too;

no matter what.

.

.

if you only knew

in the morning things are different,

things are light,

things are real,

honest and free,

natural and at peace,

full of hope,

covered in truth,

surrounded by insight,

wallowing in knowledge,

flowing like liquid night;

then they are gone;

a raging flash flood,

dried up and spent,

here and gone,

heading for distant seas;

waiting for a tomorrow

that never comes;

fear is a powerful potion,

it can drive you forward,

it can drag you down,

it can turn you upside down,

it can leave you spent and wasted;

like rotting vegetation;

there has always been more,

just beyond the sinking horizon,

more than could be seen,

more than could be touched,

more than could be reached;

there is where I sought,

there is where I journeyed,

there is where I desired

there is where I belonged,

through nighttime dreams,

beyond mental barriers,

past worlds unknown;

if you could only see,

if you only knew.

.

.

Tsunami

in a dream,

I saw the water rising,

I felt it’s power,

ripping and pulling,

breaking and destroying,

smashing and killing,

swallowing everything in its path;

I awoke,

gasping for breath,

overwhelmed by the sheer

magnitude of it all,

terrified by the raw power,

overcome by the suffering,

you awoke beside me;

“what’s the matter?” you asked;

“a bad dream” I replied,

“about the future,”

“when?” you asked,

“soon” I replied.

.

.

The Final Frontier

By myself I have sworn, my mouth has uttered in all integrity a word that will not be revoked; Before me every knee will bow, by me every tongue will swear.   Isaiah 45:23

Therefore God exalted him to the highest place and gave him the name that is above every name, that at the name of Jesus every knee should bow, in heaven and on earth and under earth, and every tongue confess that Jesus Christ is Lord, to the glory of God the Father.    Philippians 2:9-11

at last, the final frontier,

prison bars removed,

iniquity and filth,

buried in the ground,

freedom forever;

fear and doubt

no more;

so close,

the taste burns

within your dry,

empty mouth,

truth uninterrupted,

light without limit,

glory beyond imagination,

flesh without sin;

life without death;

it is here You have brought me,

it is now for which I have waited,

perfect power,

pure and unblemished;

every knee shall bow,

every tongue shall confess.

.

.

Everything In Its Place

He replied, “I saw Satan fall like lightning from heaven. I have given you authority to trample on snakes and scorpions and to overcome all the power of the enemy; nothing will harm you. However do not rejoice that the spirits submit to you, but rejoice that your names are written in heaven.”   Luke 10:18-20

everything in its time,

everything in its place,

everything changes,

everything remains the same;

the wind blows where it will;

who knows the approaching shadows?

who understands the raging depths?

who can see this terrible darkness?

the growing tempest looms

on the far off horizon;

it has begun,

it is finished;

“Nothing will harm you”

everything is temporary,

everything fades,

this never ending dream,

rises like some ancient

early morning mist,

building from ashes

long since past,

as the day comes for those

who hold on to tomorrow;

while the night waits for the rest;

here we shall fall,

here we shall stand;

if I only could,

you know I certainly would;

for everything there is a cost,

for everything there is a loss;

you were mine,

and I was yours.

.

.

Mystery

Finally, be strong in the Lord and in his mighty power. Put on the full armor of God so that you can take your stand against the devil’s schemes. For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms.   Ephesians 6:10-12

there is a mystery here,

whispering through the swaying trees,

singing over the silent rocks,

flowing with the mountain stream,

gathering in the darkening clouds;

all around the battle rages,

quietly waiting,

unseen, unknown,

beyond sight,

beyond touch;

beyond understanding;

cool, gray December skies,

dull, hazy, sun,

Friday afternoon school bus,

delivering mediocrity and weekend misery,

never quite sure,

fading within the moving shadows,

rising from the wavering depths;

I remember it well;

slaves to what we see,

what we hear, what we feel,

all the time seeing nothing,

hearing nothing,

feeling nothing,

mirrors and smoking guns,

illusions and disappearing truths,

cheap parlor tricks played out

on slick talking talk shows,

here today,

gone tomorrow,

the war never ends;

the enemy never sleeps;

there is a mystery here,

it remains long after the screams

have all died and slipped away.

.

.

A Time for Everything

There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under heaven: a time to be born and a time to die, a time to plant and a time to uproot, a time to kill and a time to heal, a time to tear down and a time to build, a time to weep and a time to laugh, a time to mourn and a time to dance, a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them, a time to embrace and a time to refrain, a time to search and a time to give up, a time to keep and a time to throw away, a time to tear and a time to mend, a time to be silent and a time to speak, a time to love and a time to hate, a time for war and a time for peace.  What does the worker gain from his toil? I have seen the burden God has laid on men. He has made everything beautiful in its time. He has also set eternity in the hearts of men; yet they cannot fathom what God has done from beginning to end. I know that there is nothing better for men than to be happy and do good while they live. That everyone may eat and drink, and find satisfaction in all his toil – this is the gift of God. I know that everything God does will endure forever; nothing can be added to it and nothing taken from it. God does it so that men will revere him   Ecclesiastes 3:1-14

No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels or demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.   Romans 8:37-38

in the early morning silence,

You softly speak,

revealing mysteries and truths

I cannot fathom,

surpassing all my understanding,

Your ways are not my ways,

Your thoughts are not my thoughts,

You are the vine,

I am just the branch,

all my ideas, all my words,

are nothing without You.

there is a time for everything,

a time to be born,

a time to die,

everything You do endures forever,

nothing can be added to it,

nothing can be taken from it,

death does not end it;

nothing shall separate us

from Your love.

.

.

Patriotism

I am the LORD, and there is none else, there is no God beside me: I girded thee, though thou hast not known me: That they may know from the rising of the sun, and from the west, that there is none beside me. I am the LORD, and there is none else. I form the light, and create darkness: I make peace, and create evil: I the LORD do all these things. Isaiah 45:5-7

This know also, that in the last days perilous times shall come. For men shall be lovers of their own selves, covetous, boasters, proud, blasphemers, disobedient to parents, unthankful, unholy, Without natural affection, trucebreakers, false accusers, incontinent, fierce, despisers of those that are good, traitors, heady, highminded, lovers of pleasures more than lovers of God; Having a form of godliness, but denying the power thereof: from such turn away. II Timothy 3:1-5

Trust in the LORD with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding. Proverbs 3:5

once again the storm begins to build,

the raging winds start to blow,

through the chaos and darkness

You stand like a shining light upon a hill,

a mighty rock which can never be moved,

a haven in which to take shelter;

a small, still voice within

the howling madness;

trapped within their fear,

running from their mortality,

they see, but they are blind,

they hear, but they are deaf,

You are so much more than

psychology or philosophical babble,

so far beyond political agendas or

simple human persuasion;

denying the sovereignty,

demeaning the righteousness,

twisting the truth;

failing to grasp the power.

.

.

The Only Way Out

“The man who loves his life will lose it, while the man who hates his life in this world will keep it for eternal life.”   John 12:25

Jesus answered, “I am the way and the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me.”   John 14:6

I am tired, really tired;

tired of fighting to prove my worth,

tired of trying to be something I will never be,

tired of caring what the world thinks of me,

tired of being afraid, tired of wondering what

tomorrow might bring,

tired of being a slave,

tired of the fantasies and illusions,

tired of listening to the self-righteous,

stick your head in the sand, I’m ok,

you’re ok, look at me, aren’t I special individuals,

who think this world and the people in it are good;

because they’re not;

human history has proven that

over and over again;

this world was broke a long time ago,

and there is only one way it will ever be fixed,

it will take a power far beyond anything

this world will ever possess;

truth?

real truth does not change,

it never has, it never will,

it is absolute, it is irrevocable,

it is final, it is beyond human

comprehension or thought,

it is a rock upon which

all who fall will be broken,

and all upon whom it falls

will be crushed,

only man-made truth changes with the wind,

bouncing from one theory to another,

one self-created god to the next;

what sad, pathetic fools we are,

created with so much potential,

yet settling for so much less,

selling out for a few brief moments of pleasure,

caving in to fears and desires,

trading truth for myth,

light for darkness,

life for death;

there is only one hope,

a light set upon a hill,

an escape, a reprieve,

a small, still voice in the

cold, dark night,

do not harden your heart,

do not turn away from the only

way out of this life.

.

.

Delusion

For the secret power of lawlessness is already at work; but the one who now holds it back will continue to do so till he is taken out of the way. And then the lawless one will be revealed, whom the Lord Jesus will overthrow with the breath of his mouth and destroy by the splendor of his coming. The coming of the lawless one will be in accordance with the work of Satan displayed in all kinds of counterfeit miracles, signs and wonders, and in every sort of evil that deceives those who are perishing. They perish because they refused to love the truth and be saved. For this reason God sends them a powerful delusion so that they will believe the lie and so that all will be condemned who have not believed the truth but have delighted in wickedness.   II Thessalonians 2:7-12

Therefore in one day her plagues will overtake her; death, mourning and famine. She will be consumed by fire, for mighty is the Lord God who judges her.   Revelation 18:8

the joy does end, here in this land of limited sun,

cold hearted and alone, forsaken and forgotten,

the gate is closing, the gap is narrowing,

the light is starting to disappear,

there are things bigger than life,

bigger than death;

bigger than dreams;

even now they mock, twisting the truth,

creating monuments of self-glory,

worshiping idols of their own doing,

maligning anyone and everything,

laughing at the misery and suffering,

exploiting the helpless and weak,

drowning in self-proclaimed wisdom,

unable to understand truth,

incapable of anything more than what they are,

refusing to see past themselves,

seeking life, liberty and the pursuit

of perpetual pleasure,

blinded by their superiority,

wallowing in the fantasy,

delighting in the delusion;

finding comfort in the lie.

.

.

The Face of True Evil/Prepare Yourself

For false messiahs and false prophets will appear and perform great signs and wonders to deceive, if possible, even the elect.   Matthew 24:24

Then I saw a second beast, coming out of the earth. It had two horns like a lamb, but it spoke like a dragon. It exercised all the authority of the first beast on its behalf, and made the earth and its inhabitants worship the first beast, whose fatal wound had been healed. And it performed great signs, even causing fire to come down from heaven to the earth in full view of the people. Because of the signs it was given power to perform on behalf of the first beast, it deceived the inhabitants of the earth. It ordered them to set up an image in honor of the beast who was wounded by the sword and yet lived. The second beast was given power to give breath to the image of the first beast, so that the image could speak and cause all who refused to worship the image to be killed. It also forced all people, great and small, rich and poor, free and slave, to receive a mark on their right hands or on their foreheads, so that they could not buy or sell unless they had the mark, which is the name of the beast or the number of its name. This calls for wisdom. Let the person who has insight calculate the number of the beast, for it is the number of a man. That number is 666.   Revelation 13:11-18

Then shall they deliver you up to be afflicted, and shall kill you: and ye shall be hated of all nations for my name's sake. And then shall many be offended, and shall betray one another, and shall hate one another. And many false prophets shall rise, and shall deceive many. And because iniquity shall abound, the love of many shall wax cold. But he that shall endure unto the end, the same shall be saved.   Matthew 24:9-13

I tell you, he will see that they get justice, and quickly. However, when the Son of Man comes, will he find faith on the earth?”   Luke 18:8

true evil has no face, it shifts, it moves,

swaying back and forth, like grains of desert sand,

in a gently blowing wind, quietly infiltrating its way

into minds and souls in high and mighty places,

enticing and alluring;

irresistible;

the ultimate chameleon, changes so subtle

they are barely perceptible;

deception in the name of innocence;

taking shape without worry or care,

then disappearing like magic,

into the thin night air;

yes, true evil has no face,

it goes by many names;

eminent domain,

manifest destiny,

for god and country,

true religion,

the chosen race,

national pride,

the final solution,

Altamont,

genocide;

to name a few;

and when it has come and gone,

none but a few even realize

it has passed their way

at all;

the time is coming, when everything you know,

everything you believe, will be

challenged, turned upside down;

the world,

technology,

science,

reality,

your eyes,

your ears,

your very mind,

will tell you that what you believe cannot

possibly be true,

deceiving even the elect,

(if that were possible);

who will have faith then?

what is right will be wrong,

what is up will be down,

what is holy will be evil;

when they torture and kill,

they will do so in the name of righteousness;

who will have faith then?

“prepare yourself” sayeth the Lord.

.

.

Next

“Lord, if it’s you,” Peter replied, “tell me to come to you on the water.” “Come,” he said. Then Peter got down out of the boat, walked on the water and came toward Jesus. But when he saw the wind, he was afraid and, beginning to sink, cried out, “Lord, save me!” Immediately Jesus reached out his hand and caught him. “You of little faith,” he said, “why did you doubt?” And when they climbed into the boat, the wind died down. Then those who were in the boat worshiped him, saying, “Truly you are the Son of God.”   Matthew 14:28-33

one more lesson,

one more obstacle,

one more weakness,

one more time, I begin

to sink below the surface;

once again, You grasp

my hand,

once again, You pull

me from the depths,

once again, You teach me

to overcome,

once again, Your power sets

me free;

the world continues on,

wars and rumors of wars,

death and destruction,

joy and laughter,

greed and self-satisfaction,

vanity and pride;

none of that matters now,

the flesh slowly dies,

only a fading mist,

a disappearing shadow,

I am finished with it all,

there is nothing more

I need,

there is nothing more

I want,

all that matters now is

what comes next,

all that matters now,

is You.

.

.

on patrol

time no longer matters,

in this land of no return,

where control of existence is power,

even among the least of men;

if you listen,

you can hear the thunder of the

demons beating heart,

crying out in agony,

for a chance to unleash

its deadly vile,

dreams fill the void,

crossing bridges of despair,

as the goddess of the night,

warms her icy soul with the heat of lust,

generated by a thousand beastly cries;

once there was honor,

now there is darkness,

cold, hard, empty,

power without reason,

death without meaning;

angels of light mourn for lost lovers,

impaled by their existence,

crying out to gods who cannot hear,

sleep comes slow,

for those who lay and wait

in their coffins of pain,

as silence stalks its prey,

seeking to devour its just rewards,

waiting for a dawn that never comes,

cast down into pits of emptiness,

where cold hard reality lurks,,

while eagles burst into flames

and die screaming their last goodbyes.

.

.

Power

For the kingdom of God is not a matter of talk but of power. I Corinthians 4:20

For I am not ashamed of the gospel, because it is the power of God that brings salvation to everyone who believes: first to the Jew, then to the Gentile. For in the gospel the righteousness of God is revealed—a righteousness that is by faith from first to last, just as it is written: “The righteous will live by faith.”   Romans 1:16-17

For since the creation of the world God’s invisible qualities—his eternal power and divine nature—have been clearly seen, being understood from what has been made, so that people are without excuse. For although they knew God, they neither glorified him as God nor gave thanks to him, but their thinking became futile and their foolish hearts were darkened. Although they claimed to be wise, they became fools and exchanged the glory of the immortal God for images made to look like a mortal human being and birds and animals and reptiles. Therefore God gave them over in the sinful desires of their hearts to sexual impurity for the degrading of their bodies with one another. They exchanged the truth about God for a lie, and worshiped and served created things rather than the Creator—who is forever praised. Amen.   Romans 1:20-25

Yet he did not waver through unbelief regarding the promise of God, but was strengthened in his faith and gave glory to God, being fully persuaded that God had power to do what he had promised. This is why “it was credited to him as righteousness.”   Romans 4:20-22

For the preaching of the cross is to them that perish foolishness; but unto us which are saved it is the power of God.   1 Corinthians 1:18

And I was with you in weakness, and in fear, and in much trembling. And my speech and my preaching was not with enticing words of man's wisdom, but in demonstration of the Spirit and of power: That your faith should not stand in the wisdom of men, but in the power of God.   1 Corinthians 2:3-5

For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind.   2 Timothy 1:7

But mark this: There will be terrible times in the last days. People will be lovers of themselves, lovers of money, boastful, proud, abusive, disobedient to their parents, ungrateful, unholy, without love, unforgiving, slanderous, without self-control, brutal, not lovers of the good, treacherous, rash, conceited, lovers of pleasure rather than lovers of God— having a form of godliness but denying its power. Have nothing to do with such people.   2 Timothy 3:1-5

Your power is beyond all this world can comprehend,

like a philosophy or psychology they try to minimize You,

sweeping You under man-made rugs,

placing You inside man-made boxes,

trying to restrain You with man-made laws and traditions,

never understanding, never knowing,

never able to fully acknowledge,

that everything we are, everything we know,

exists only by Your unfathomable mercy and grace,

through the unlimited power of Your Word alone,

that every breath taken is a gift,

which can never be repaid;

through Your power I am given a taste of a world

free from sin, a world of love and hope,

stripped of all its suffering and fear;

without hate,

without lust,

without greed;

through Your power I begin to understand,

through the Holy Spirit I start to see,

a world which my mind cannot fully grasp,

an indescribable place, prepared from the beginning

for those who love You,

a world that leaves me humbled,

perfect and pure,

beyond words,

without compare,

a world where I can only

fall down before You

and whisper;

my Lord,

my Master,

my King;

my Everything.

.

.

any Less

it’s easy to love Jesus, when you drive a brand new F-350 diesel,

while vacationing for the winter in Gulf Shores, Alabama,

living in your half million dollar RV,

taking charter bus trips to Biloxi,

for a night at the casinos,

easy when you live in middle-class America,

surrounded by all your healthy, happy children,

with your plump, giggling grandchildren,

your body free from pain, not twisted and grotesque,

from diseases like aids and cancer,

because you have health insurance and can afford

the best medical treatment available,

with all the specialists and tests money can buy;

yes, it is easy then;

not so easy, when you go through life worried and afraid,

worried about feeding your children,

worried about providing a shelter over their heads,

afraid of the lump growing on your child’s arm,

not knowing if it is serious or not,

because you have no health insurance to get it tested,

as you pray for the strength to get through one more day,

as you go to your low paying job,

where America’s elite treat you like a hired servant,

because they have money and drive diesel powered F-350s,

with ‘I Love Jesus’ on the front license plate,

and you don’t;

some day we will all be the same,

standing before a holy and righteous God,

and I wonder how they will answer then,

when they see themselves speaking with derision and disgust,

to the person working for minimum wage,

because their cheese was sliced a millimeter thicker than requested,

or because they had to wait more than 5 minutes in the checkout line,

I wonder who will be blessed then, I wonder if their diesel powered F-350s,

with the ‘I Love Jesus’ front license plates,

will mean anything then;

then He speaks to me;

reminding me that He walked this earth with nothing,

in spite of being the King to whom everything belongs,

that He endured humiliation and torment,

without ever once complaining or hating,

that even though He was the greatest,

He became the servant of many,

laying down His life for all,

paying a cost only He could pay,

doing the will of the Father,

despite the suffering and pain,

giving us the example that should be followed,

proving that He loves us all,

unconditionally and without favor,

even those who drive brand new F-350s,

with ‘I Love Jesus’ front license plates;

and He asks me;

“Is the servant greater than the Master?”

as I quietly, and humbly think to myself,

should I do any less?

.

.

American Dreams

like most American dreams, it only lasts for a moment,

but like all American dreams,

it will be bought and sold, followed by a slick

marketing campaign and mass production,

until it is neatly packaged,

sitting on the shelves of Walmart,

where it will become the next big thing;

for a little while;

Hemingway lived the dream,

now you can tour his house in Key West

for $7.50 per person,

complete with a Sloppy Joe’s souvenir mug,

at Jack London square in Oakland,

the crowds gather to pay twice the going rate,

to eat and drink where Jack did;

or so they say;

on the beaches of Daytona and Myrtle Beach,

the doctors and lawyers pretend to be outlaw, highway killers

for a week, riding their chrome, customized Harleys, wearing their

black boots, sleeveless shirts and leather bandanas,

but their perfect haircuts, well-trimmed beards and money wads

give them away;

dreams in America are big business,

so if you ever find an original one,

grab it up quick,

while you can still afford

to pay the price.

.

.

Life's Little Truths

in 47 years, I have only found a few things to be true;

one is:

you can never make a woman love you,

she either does or she doesn’t,

nothing that you do,

buying her gifts,

loving her with all your heart,

giving her anything she wants,

will change her mind one way or the other;

so don’t waste your time or money;

another is:

despite all the books and philosophies stating otherwise,

in spite of all the self-help, get rich quick ads on TV,

regardless of all the Volvo driving, suburban yuppies and dinks,

reaching for the brass ring and great American dream,

or any other dream for that matter,

in the end, we all wind up the same,

so once again;

don’t waste your time or money;

oh yeah,

one more thing;

never! never! never! stop trying,

never stop trying to be a better person,

never stop trying to make it to tomorrow,

because in the end, that’s the only thing

that really matters;

and that’s the only truth

you ever need to remember.

.

.

.

regret

I try to sleep, but cannot,

I think of you, I think of your strength,

I think of your big city toughness;

and I only love you

more;

I think of a moment, when I

held you in my arms,

your arms around my waist,

remarking about what a strong little

shit you are, your laughter,

looking down into your eyes,

how I should have kissed you

right then and there,

told you I loved you,

carried you into bed,

made you mine,

but did not;

it is one of the biggest regrets

of my life;

later, feeling stronger,

I come to the painful

realization,

that holding on to

memories, and things

I will never control,

is doing neither you,

nor I, any good;

life goes on,

it always has,

it always will;

I have to let go;

once again,

I hold on to the one

who has carried me

through, time after time,

more than she will ever know,

more than she ever should know,

she deserves better,

but this is the best I can do,

she has known enough pain

for one lifetime,

unable to grow,

forever trapped in time,

by the monster who stole so much,

holding on to her naivety;

I will protect her with my last

breath, even if I must protect her from

myself;

perhaps some things really are

better left unsaid,

but sometimes we say them

anyway;

and for this,

there are no regrets.

.

.

things

looking around this room, I realize

that I have all these things,

there are things piled upon things,

things that I never knew I had,

things I will never use,

things I will never want to use;

they are everywhere;

where the fuck did they all

come from?

why did I get them?

books, tapes,

dvds, cds

junk mail, clothes

collectibles;

I’m not even sure I actually own

a single damn one of them,

technically I think they belong

to the credit card companies,

since they paid for most of them,

actually they probably paid

for all of them,

of course I have paid them back,

many times over in interest alone,

so I won’t feel very bad,

when I give them all back,

along with the unpaid balances,

because I don’t need a single one of these things,

none of this shit,

all I really need is a pen and a pad of paper,

although the computer is handy;

but I think that belongs to

mastercard;

now that I think about it,

I have never wanted anything,

with the exception of one time,

when I wanted to make the varsity

baseball team, in my sophomore

year in high school,

and I did,

but other than that,

I never wanted anybody or

anything,

I just woke up every morning,

took in a deep breath,

and waited for shit to happen,

people to come and go,

things to accumulate,

like snow on a winters day;

don’t get me wrong,

I have had some incredible things

come my way,

awards,

my daughters,

my grandson,

but I never asked for any of them,

I was glad to get them,

but I never asked for them;

you do what you have to do

to get by, and whatever happens

happens, I sometimes wonder if this is normal,

do other people have all these things?

and if they do, do they actually want them?

or are they like me, without even realizing it,

just trying to eat, sleep and breathe,

forced to do whatever is necessary,

ready to accept whatever comes along;

yeah I went a long time,

never wanting one fucking thing;

now I want her,

and that is the only thing

I have ever really

needed.

.

.

Trench Warfare

I sit at my desk all day,

pretending to be busy, thinking to myself

the whole time;

what a waste;

everyone here pretends,

whether they admit it or not,

pretending to do jobs,

which don’t make a damn bit of difference,

pretending to be someone or something,

that in the big picture of things,

don’t mean a rat’s ass to anyone

or anything;

everyone huddles up in their cubicles,

staring at their computer monitors,

waiting for quitting time to come,

sometimes I stand up, looking just over the top

of an endless line of cubicle walls,

it reminds me of trench warfare in WW1 France,

every now and then you’ll see another head pop up,

but when they see you looking,

they quickly pop back down,

because nobody here is really too sure,

just who the enemy is,

or who the enemy isn’t,

they’re afraid if they show their head too long,

it will be shot off by a sniper,

so it’s constantly;

duck and cover,

duck and cover,

the other day I swear I saw a periscope pop up,

but I could have been wrong,

frankly, the fear of having my head shot off,

doesn’t really scare me all that much;

it’s the poison gas attacks that

have me worried.

.

.