Ours to Choose

“Never again will they hunger; never again will they thirst. The sun will not beat down on them, nor any scorching heat. For the Lamb at the center of the throne will be their shepherd; he will lead them to springs of living water. And God will wipe away every tear from their eyes.” Revelation 7:16-17

We all, like sheep, have gone astray, each of us has turned to our own way; and the LORD has laid on him the iniquity of us all. Isaiah 53:6

For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms. Ephesians 6:12

I have found a home here,

for good or for bad, for better

or for worse, it may not be much,

but it is mine;

I sit on my porch, I feel the

warm sun on my face,

I look at the mountains,

I listen to the crows,

this is my home now,

it is all there is,

it is all I need,

it is all there ever

will be;

I do not know how

much longer it will last,

it is beyond my control,

it is out of my hands,

but I will rest here,

for as long as I can;

I am tired of who is right,

who is wrong, choosing sides,

blaming one, justifying another;

we are all wrong,

we are all to blame,

you, me, them,
‘those people;’

we are all liars,

murderers, thieves,

cheats, hypocrites;

it is in our blood,

it is our dna,

it is who we are,

it is what we will be;

we are all

something less;

there is no wrong side,

no right side, there is only

self-righteousness and arrogance,

or mercy and grace,

our will, or God’s will;

it is for us to choose;

now there is weeping,

now there is anger,

now there is fear,

but soon enough it will be

no more, the shadows will fade,

the misery will no longer exist,

the sadness will turn to joy,

the darkness into light,

the tears will all be

wiped away;

we will be home at last.

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All Things

Anyone who loves their life will lose it, while anyone who hates their life in this world will keep it for eternal life. John 12:25

I am not saying this because I am in need, for I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances. I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do all this through him who gives me strength. Philippians 4:11-13

in the morning, the pain is more

than my mind can fathom,

my body barely able to move,

my spirit humbled and broken,

the thought of facing another day,

more than I think I can bear;

how long Lord?

how long?

then You fill me with strength,

the pain lessens,

movement becomes possible,

the day becomes bearable;

You have taken me to new depths,

humbling me, teaching me,

training me, preparing me;

showing me the misery of

so many, struggling to survive

just one more day,

in this life that is not a life,

in this world that is

not a home;

now I see,

now I understand;

the fear, the hopelessness,

the despair, the bitterness,

the anger, the hatred;

Lord cleanse me,

remove the filth and

impurities, discipline me,

teach me Your ways;

Your words are life,

I want that life,

I want only You.

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living

you told yourself, you would

never forget them,

but even now the faces fade,

the memories die, slipping away

like daylight into the

approaching night,

and you know it will be the same

for you;

life is for the living,

not the dead;

there is a hope,

there is a life,

there is a way;

don’t be afraid,

just believe.

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Take My Hand

“You have heard that it was said, ‘Love your neighbor and hate your enemy.’ But I tell you, love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, that you may be children of your Father in heaven. He causes his sun to rise on the evil and the good, and sends rain on the righteous and the unrighteous. If you love those who love you, what reward will you get? Are not even the tax collectors doing that? And if you greet only your own people, what are you doing more than others? Do not even pagans do that? Be perfect, therefore, as your heavenly Father is perfect.   Matthew 5:43-48

take my hand, lead me as one

blinded by their own ignorance,

rebuke my evil ways,

teach me Your discipline,

show me Your truth,

place Your laws within my heart,

let me follow Your example,

help me survive the suffering,

make me understand what love really is;

“Greater love has no one than this,

that he lay his life down

for his friends.” John 15:13

I am so lost, in a world

blinded by its own darkness,

surrounded by the need for

retaliation and revenge,

judging by man-made rules

and traditions, where might

makes right and only the

strong survive, killing in the

name of righteousness,

leveling the playing field,

settling the score;

lead me from this place,

forgive the weakness and corruption,

restore the innocence,

shine Your light upon me,

fill me with Your Spirit,

make me holy and clean;

make me a son

of the living God.

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Sacred Fish

last night, I dreamed of that great

fast food restaurant in the sky,

as the multitudes quietly gathered,

waiting for their single orders of

sacred fish;

unfortunately;

I couldn’t wait around, so I walked

out into the night,

alone and afraid, facing the darkness,

hungry and cold, searching for alternatives

to sacred fish, and other forms of

self-hypnosis;

before I knew it, I found myself

in a dimly lit, greasy little hole,

where the only thing on the menu,

were big, thick, black as night,

juicy burgers;

medium rare

of course;

the waitress looked like

she’d been around a few blocks,

hell, she looked like she’d been to

the edge of the moon and back,

so I ordered a couple burgers,

with a side order of head, and

kicked back;

it was good to be home.

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We Miss You

though you never spoke a lot,

anyone could see there was something

more than met the eye, that there was

a brightly burning fire smoldering inside;

that you were special;

we miss you already, we miss the

thought of you, we miss the

simple sweetness, the quiet beauty,

your sad, expressive face,

your kind, gentle spirit,

your soft spoken demeanor,

the silent, reflective hopelessness,

the detached inner calmness,

the cold dispassionate passion,

the electric excitement of your

dazzling smile, the little girl hiding

inside the woman;

we miss you as a person, we miss

you as a friend, we miss you like a

beloved sister, we grieve for you

like a lost daughter;

we miss you baby,

and always will.

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Boardwalk

walking along this wooden trail,

makes one think it could go

on forever, as the crowds of people

stretch before us, peaceful and slow,

intoxicated, by the warm sunshine rays,

if only this day would last forever;

young lovers, caress and kiss openly,

while old lovers hold hands,

smiling knowingly, a part of all things,

as all things are a part of them,

the cold, cool calmness takes over,

in the hot searing heat, until it is

hard to imagine life any other way.

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Hope For Tomorrow

of course you despise me, of course you

think my life is a waste, it is only

natural, it is the way of things, it is

how one generation takes over for another,

with plans and grand ideas for a bigger

and brighter future, looking with disgust,

at the mess their parents have made

of everything in their lives;

it is that loathing and disgust, which

makes it all worthwhile, allowing

for us parents to be at peace,

knowing that we have given to you,

the same anger and disgust, left to us

by our parents, and that with any luck,

you will pass on to our grandchildren,

with the outside chance, that maybe,

just maybe, that anger and disgust,

will actually change things;

thank you, for that cold hard stare,

now I know, there’s hope

for tomorrow.

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Innocent Passage

hear the song of the morning dove

my precious child, calling out

across the empty fields, leading

you back, to the land of fairy tales

and dreams, where your soul shall know

kindness and sweetness once more;

do not weep my beautiful little flower,

for surely it is an innocent passage,

into this shining kingdom, where angels

softly sing, cradling you gently in

protective arms, wiping away your tears,

a place where the darkness of this world,

shall cross your face no more.

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Discipline, Perseverance and Other Voices of Insomnia

I never had much respect for

middle of the road, it was always

the extremes, the ones out on the edge,

who captured my attention,

pushing it right to the limit,

leaving it all on the field, nothing

held back;

this is what I admired;

most of the good ones slipped away,

like killers in the night, discipline

never a strong point, perseverance

not a possibility;

I browsed through one of his ‘posthumous’

books the other day, I almost

bought it, but then put it back

on the shelf, the words seemed to fit,

but somehow it didn’t feel right,

it felt a little too ‘perfect’, a bit too

‘contrived’;

more than coincidence?

I imagined his widow. sitting

down at a table, throwing words together

whenever the bills were due,

claiming to have some secret vault,

full of previously unpublished material,

then again I could imagine him,

talking to her on his death bed,

giving her specific instructions:

“feed it to em slow baby,

give em a book a year,

this is all there is, but it should

be enough, if you spread it out.”

either way, I put it back on the shelf,

I didn’t want to be guilty of

supporting fraud, I’m much too

‘clean’ for that;

much too ‘dignified’;

later, I will go home, write down

 these words, thoughts and ideas

springing up from that short

book store glance,

wishing I had bought the book,

knowing the words really belong to him,

wondering how he knew he’d be

inside my head 16 years later,

while sitting at a kitchen table

at 4:12 in the morning.

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Fine Line

such a fine line, between

genius and madness,

darkness and light,

life and death,

you and I;

for so long now,

we’ve been running,

no place to call home,

no yesterday or today,

no place to rest our head,

no tears to shed,

no living, no dead;

if it were up to me,

it would all be wiped clean,

anesthetized, tranquilized,

sterilized, without right or wrong,

past or present, if it were

up to me,

it would have ended

long ago;

I wait, as you walk out the door,

wondering when you will return,

or if you will, walking a fine line,

on the way to the other side,

running a desperate race, no

place left to hide;

I have been to the mountaintop,

I have seen the other side,

I have returned untouched,

I am ready to begin again;

I am ready for the bullshit,

I am prepared for the failure,

I am poised for the inevitability.

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For the First Time

I read their poems,

I feel their rage,

I see their sadness,

I understand their frustration,

I know their darkness,

I have been on that side

of the fence;

I have been where they are;

like a giant vacuum,

it sucks you into this

deep murky mire,

echoes from below,

cry out, as visions

of madmen, standing on

the platform, waiting for a train

which never comes,

flash before your burned out,

cynical eyes;

I have been to their edge;

this body fades,

for the first time, words

come to life, for the

first time, possibilities

far outweigh the

realities;

for the first time

I am clean;

the pain grows,

as you hold it inside

like a deformed child,

locked away, out of sight,

out of mind;

no one listens, no one sees,

no one understands;

but You.

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indignity

around 4 am it finally comes,

it takes longer now,

slower, deliberate,

more mindful,

this is how it is,

the way it was meant

to be;

recovery is never quite

the same;

I remember those things,

no one knows, no one cares,

hot summer nights,

stars shining in the sky,

fresh and clean,

your skin, soft and warm,

your touch;

like a long lost friend;

the end draws closer,

not much longer now,

I am ready,

all the bags are packed,

I have been waiting a

very long time,

soon the indignity will stop,

the suffering fade;

soon enough,

soon enough;

a quiet, peaceful sanctuary

amidst the storm,

a final sleep, before the

breaking dawn.

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haves and have-nots

easy to turn your back,

when you’re one of

the haves;

have a job,

have a home,

have money,

have food;

have affordable health care;

believing the lies,

giving into the fears,

buying into the stereotypes;

they’re all lazy,

they’re all immoral,

they’re all looking

for a free lunch;

they all get what they

deserve;

so afraid, they might take

something that belongs

to you, some of your hard

earned treasure, all the things

you sweated and slaved for,

all the idols you fall down before

and worship;

all the things you sold

your soul for;

the have-nots of the world

are beginning to rise,

they’re not going away quietly

anymore, they’re tired of the abuse,

they’re no longer content

with the crumbs,

there are things bigger

than themselves;

things worth dying for.

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Another Day in the Valley

the sky turns grey, with fiery streaks of red,
wood stoves fire up, smoke rises from
chimneys, as the dawn of a new day
begins, a train rumbles through the valley,
the James flowing swiftly beside, they
come more frequently now, pulling miles
of coal cars packed to the brim, on their way
eastward, to Richmond and Washington,
replenishing stockpiles in preparation
for winter, just as they have for
a hundred years;

it makes you wonder,

how much can be left;

in the distance, a hawk soars

above Gunter Ridge, standing exposed,
naked and bare, glistening in the early
morning sun, leaves, three times the
size of a man’s hand, cover the
nearby ground, forming a blanket,
through which the squirrels scamper
to and fro, deer hunters scour the
surrounding forest, searching for
fresh meat and trophies, hanging morning
kills upside down, as the blood drips to
the ground below;

talking about the ten pointer

that got away;

everything remains the same,

as it has for generations, and you
silently think;

why would anybody want it

any other way?

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Past Due

Then the King will say to those on his right, ‘Come you who are blessed by my father; take your inheritance, the kingdom prepared for you since the creation of the world. For I was hungry and you gave me something to eat, I was thirsty and you gave me something to drink, I was a stranger and you invited me in, I needed clothes and you clothed me, I was sick and you looked after me, I was in prison and you came to visit me.’ Then the righteous will answer him, ‘Lord, when did we see you hungry and feed you, or thirsty and give you something to drink? When did we see you a stranger and invite you in, or needing clothes and clothe you? When did we see you sick or in prison and go to visit you? The King will reply, ‘I tell you the truth, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers of mine you did for me.’ Then he will say to those on his left, ‘Depart from me, you who are cursed, into the eternal fire prepared for the devil and his angels. For I was hungry and you gave me nothing to eat, I was thirsty and you gave me nothing to drink, I was a stranger and you did not invite me in, I needed clothes and you did not clothe me, I was sick and in prison and you did not look after me.’ They also will answer, ‘Lord, when did we see you hungry or thirsty or a stranger or needing clothes or sick or in prison, and did not help you? He will reply, ‘I tell you the truth, whatever you did not do for one of the least of these, you did not do for me.’ Matthew 25:34-46

now it begins,

the time arrives at last,

no more excuses, no more

pretending, no more room

for denial;

you watched, as my children

lay dying, broken and bleeding,

naked and alone, crying out

for justice and mercy,

you smiled as I suffered,

you laughed while I was beaten,

you turned your backs, as I

slowly starved, your pursuit

of pleasure and perpetual comfort,

made you soft and weak,

your greed has crushed you,

your delusions of grandeur

and self-importance, have

blinded you, your lack of

understanding and compassion,

has sealed your fate, your denial

of truth, has damned you,

your destruction is assured,

your chosen leaders have abandoned

you to the grave;

now it begins, your time has

come O Babylon;

payment is past due.

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Naked

When the woman saw that the fruit of the tree was good for food and pleasing to the eye, and also desirable for gaining wisdom, she took some and ate it. She also gave some to her husband, who was with her, and he ate it. Then the eyes of both of them were opened, and they realized they were naked; so they sewed fig leaves together and made coverings for themselves. Then the man and his wife heard the sound of the Lord God as he was walking in the garden in the cool of the day, and they hid from the Lord God among the trees of the garden. But the Lord God called to the man, “Where are you?” He answered, “I heard you in the garden, and I was afraid because I was naked; so I hid.” And he said, “Who told you that you were naked? Have you eaten from the tree I commanded you not to eat from?”   Genesis 3:6-11

“You say, ‘I am rich; I have acquired wealth and do not need a thing.’ But you do not realize that you are wretched, pitiful, poor, blind and naked. I counsel you to buy from me gold refined in the fire, so you can cover your shameful nakedness; and salve to put on your eyes, so you can see. Those to whom I love I rebuke and discipline. So be earnest and repent. Here I am! I stand at the door and knock. If anyone hears my voice and opens the door, I will come in and eat with him and he with me.”   Revelation 3:17-20

once more you open my eyes,

showing me just how blind

I really am, how wretched,

pitiful and poor I have become,

revealing the evil lurking inside,

uncovering all the filth,

the inadequacies, the incompleteness,

the nakedness;

Lord I am so far away!

I hear Your voice, softly counseling,

gently rebuking, quietly disciplining;

reminding me of the path

leading to You;

Father, remove this darkness,

heal these wounds as only You can,

renew all that I am, fill me with

Your Spirit, bathe me in Your

glorious light;

make me a son

of the living God.

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The Clock is Ticking

walking this beach, there is a

feeling of incompleteness,

restlessness, unfinished business;

paupers, waiting for the

axe to fall;

so much suffering,

so much dying,

does anyone deserve this?

like a side of beef, she leads

me to this place,

selling me to the highest bidder,

giving up without a fight,

no resistance, no struggle;

only shame;

there is a depth here,

untold symmetry,

flapping and unfurling

with the newborn sun,

words come easy,

light and free, no longer

encumbered by stones of inertia,

shooting through the limited

nighttime sky with a touch

of innocence;

there is a depth here;

this boiling sun is no

longer a home,

this raging sea provides

no relief, old bones

come home to roost,

the clock is ticking;

time is running out.

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life

in the morning, before the doubt,

before the poison, anything

is possible, the world is bright

and new, fresh and alive,

but then, like the morning,

it is gone, as reality sets in;

I wait outside her domain,

like a dog in heat,

I listen to her voice

pounding within,

like ocean waves

on a dark angry night,

she holds me in arms

of shifting winds,

without shape or form;

life is full of wasted time,

wide open spaces and moments

in-between, long, drawn out hours

of insufferable boredom,

highlighted by seconds of

indescribable pleasure;

life is a never ending orgasm,

working and struggling,

building and rising,

working for just one

short burst,

one quick release;

I want a place to hide,

a shelter from the storm,

safety in the wilderness,

a home within the night;.

what words can be said for this?

what salvation, what mercy,

what redemption?

there are places where hope

does not walk, places where love

has no home, where light

does not shine, truth does not speak,

down here words fail,

seasons become blurred;

is it wrong to give up?

is it wrong to let go?

we come so close,

reaching and touching,

knowing and seeing,

hearing and feeling,

so close, yet so impossibly far,

flowing like underground rivers,

hidden, alone;

silent;

fires burn bright, stars blaze

through the night,

yet it is only the shadows

we see, moving through rising tides,

surviving extravagant excess,

hiding among the corners,

day after day we wait,

as miles become like dead stones,

wrapped around the necks

of fools and lovers,

hour by hour we survive,

selling flesh inch by inch,

smiling at reflections in the dust,

crumbling before the edges,

with nothing in return.

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He is There

For I am persuaded, that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, nor powers, nor things present, nor things to come, Nor height, nor depth, nor any other creature, shall be able to separate us from the love of God, which is in Christ Jesus our Lord.   Romans 8:38-39

the time draws near,

the journey almost at an end,

home just beyond the distant horizon,

lying only a heartbeat away,

and I am ready;

He is there waiting,

ready to make all things new,

removing the darkness,

wiping away every tear;

the pain will pass,

the doubt will be removed,

the suffering will be no more,

the night will be turned to day,

the joy shall be forever;

He is there waiting,

ready to make all things new,

removing the darkness,

wiping away every tear;

words fade away,

time passes like a dream in the night,

prison walls crumble into the dust,

all things will be as intended,

all things will be made right;

He is there waiting,

ready to make all things new,

removing the darkness,

wiping away every tear.

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My Home

we hide inside our houses,

dreaming of the tomorrows,

imagining the possibilities,

running from the darkness,

mystified by the mystery,

trapped within the illusion,

waiting for the destination;

forever seeing,

but never knowing,

forever hearing,

but never understanding;

if it were up to me,

I would stay in this place,

seeking shelter from the storm,

swallowed up by the myth,

drowning in the depths,

growing cold from the emptiness,

guarding Your truth like a rare

and precious jewel,

but Your grace knows better;

Your will demands more;

I am searching for my home,

but I don’t know how to get there,

so I quietly wait in the wilderness,

running from the ghosts,

hiding from the demons,

praying for a tomorrow;

my home is neither here

nor there, not ahead or behind,

not without or within,

my home is in a land far away,

a whisper on the howling wind,

a flicker in the candlelight glow;

close your eyes, and it is

forever gone;

my home is nothing,

my home is everything,

my home is all there is.

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At Last

green, majestic ridges,

rolling lazily, across

bright, blue skies,

too beautiful,

too wonderful;

a place only

dreamed about;

it is here, where the

road ends,

that tomorrow begins,

no more uncertainty,

no more empty future,

the final home,

the last stand;

freedom,

at last;

they have taken all

there is to take,

the last hope, the final drop,

nothing more to give,

nothing left to lose;

freedom,

at last;

together, we shall face

the approaching night,

together, we shall walk into

the growing light;

freedom,

at last.

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everyday

“Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothes? Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life?”   Matthew 6:25-27

“Whoever finds their life will lose it, and whoever loses their life for my sake will find it.”   Matthew 10:39

That whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have eternal life. For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life.   John 3:15-16

And Jesus said unto them, I am the bread of life: he that cometh to me shall never hunger; and he that believeth on me shall never thirst.   John 6:35

some hold on a little longer,

some a little less,

eventually, the sun does set

on us all,

in the end we become equal,

as cruel as this might seem,

at least it is unconditional and

without favor;

God is no respecter

of persons;

I think about all the

missed opportunities,

all the special individuals,

all the moments which

slipped through my fingers,

all the chances to tell them

how very unique they were,

how much I loved them,

but the time came and went;

now they are gone;

everyday I wait for freedom,

everyday I hang on for tomorrow,

everyday I fight the battle,

everyday I lose the war;

life is not about happiness and joy,

life is not about self-discovery,

life is not about self-satisfaction, or

self-motivation, or any kind of self

at all;

life is about love and forgiveness,

life is about doing unto others,

as you would have them

do unto you,

life is about coming to the

realization, that we all have

fallen short, that none of us

are going to escape

on our own,

life is about loving God,

with all your mind and

soul;

everyday I wait for freedom,

everyday I hang on for tomorrow,

everyday I fight the battle,

everyday I lose the war.

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The Final Frontier

By myself I have sworn, my mouth has uttered in all integrity a word that will not be revoked; Before me every knee will bow, by me every tongue will swear. Isaiah 45:23

Therefore God exalted him to the highest place and gave him the name that is above every name, that at the name of Jesus every knee should bow, in heaven and on earth and under earth, and every tongue confess that Jesus Christ is Lord, to the glory of God the Father.    Philippians 2:9-11

at last, the final frontier,

prison bars removed,

iniquity and filth buried

in the ground,

freedom forever;

fear and doubt

no more;

so close, the taste burns

within your dry, empty mouth,

truth uninterrupted,

light without limit,

glory beyond imagination,

flesh without sin;

life without death;

it is here, You have brought me,

it is now for which I have waited,

perfect power, pure and

unblemished;

every knee shall bow,

every tongue shall confess.

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Anyway

And so we know and rely on the love God has for us. God is love. Whoever lives in love lives in God, and God in them. This is how love is made complete among us so that we will have confidence on the day of judgment: In this world we are like Jesus. There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love. We love because he first loved us. Whoever claims to love God yet hates a brother or sister is a liar. For whoever does not love their brother and sister, whom they have seen, cannot love God, whom they have not seen. And he has given us this command: Anyone who loves God must also love their brother and sister.   1 John 4:16-21

in the morning, I search for Your light,

shining amidst the pre-dawn shadows,

burning like a beacon in the night,

showing the way to freedom,

guiding the path to life;

I love You, because You

loved me first,

when I broke Your heart,

You loved me anyway,

when I deserved only punishment,

You loved me anyway,

when I helped nail You to

that cross,

You loved me anyway;

I stumble and fall,

You pick me up once again,

I run and hide, You patiently

stand waiting,

I spread seeds of hatred

and doubt,

You love me anyway;

no one knows the struggle,

no one understands the darkness,

no one feels the emptiness,

but You;

and though no one else sees,

it is enough that You do.

.

.

Ready

I don’t write a lot anymore,

it’s not that I can’t, it’s just that

there isn’t much left to say,

I have been to the dark edge,

I have seen the other side,

I have known the lies,

I have known the truth,

I have felt the light,

I am ready for the end,

I am ready for the night;

I am ready to begin;

I have been blessed in ways

words can never describe,

there is nothing that I desire,

there is nothing that I want,

everyday is a gift,

every minute a miracle,

every breath a reprieve,

this body continues to struggle,

but it is only temporary,

a slight inconvenience,

a momentary delay,

it will fade like the evening sun,

all that will be left is love;

all that will be left is You;

You have made this possible,

You have brought me to this place

I could never find by myself,

You continue to stand by my side,

when death is all I deserve,

You continue loving me, when I

can’t even love myself;

You are my King,

You are my Lord,

You are my Everything.

.

.

Part of the Cost

southern boys like their trucks,

clean and sweet,

moaning and groaning,

like fresh young virgins,

on warm Saturday nights;

dreamers dream,

lovers love,

sleepers sleep,

inside, we all silently weep;

part of the cost,

part of the loss;

kingdoms crumble,

melting like sand castles

beneath mighty ocean waves,

crashing violently upon white

sugary beaches,

stranding aqua-blue jelly fish

for all eternity;

part of the cost,

part of the loss;

haughty, petulant children,

searching in vain, for

honor and truth,

hidden among ruins and

ancient halls of perfect darkness,

never finding,

never knowing,

never understanding;

part of the cost,

part of the loss;

so many memories,

so much lost along

the way,

hanging on, holding on

with everything we have,

but in the end they fade away,

like the early morning mist

before the noon day sun,

and all that is left are echoes,

silently bouncing off empty

forgotten walls,

there is no hiding in this

solitary world,

no sanctuary,

no turning back;

part of the cost,

part of the loss;

through it all,

You continue to look down,

through it all,

You stand by my side,

You are the beginning,

You are the end,

You are all there is,

do not leave me here Lord,

do not forsake me,

hear my plea, forgive

my transgressions,

deliver me from evil ways;

bring me home to You.

.

.

freedom

there is a toxicity in the air,

a shallow kind of pall,

a quiet mushrooming hush,

as the clouds wait in witness;

I’ve started losing track of the days,

words no longer have meaning,

people and places become a blur,

my life fades like the night;

through it all You remain;

the myths are stripped away,

the moments silently await,

little boys stare at fastballs,

floating lazily down the middle

of the plate, the promise looms on the

distant horizon, 70 yards of open field,

lies just ahead,

You were there in the beginning,

You are there in the end;

through it all You remain;

the edge does not hold the fear

it once did, the darkness but a whisper,

the distance lessens, as You become

one step closer;

just one beat;

just one breath;

freedom;

.

.

Through It All

Jesus answered, “I am the way and the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me. If you really know me, you will know my Father as well. From now on, you do know him and have seen him.”   John 14:6-7

I have been on both sides of the fence,

I have been everywhere in-between,

physically,

emotionally,

spiritually,

financially;

I have worked for hundreds

of thousands of dollars,

I have worked for minimum wage,

I have tasted a life of privilege,

I have known the hopelessness

of poverty,

I have witnessed first hand,

the devastation of losing

everything,

I have worked at a desk,

using only my mind and fingers,

I have worked back-breaking jobs,

that no one should have to do;

I have seen people at their best,

I have seen people at their worst;

I have entered dark places, from

which very few survive,

I have stood on the edge,

as the god of this world

quietly whispered in my ear;

“take one more step”;

I have seen demons,

dark and evil,

drive past in a car,

as I rode a bike

down the road,

laughing,

mocking,

I have talked with an angel,

her name was Vena,

she held my hand,

as I lay in a hospital bed having

a heart attack,

I have seen people destroyed,

by the very things from which

I was saved;

through it all,

You have been there

for as long as I can

remember,

quietly watching,

softly calling,

patiently waiting,

through it all, You have

lifted me up when I could not

stand on my own,

saving me when no one

else could,

protecting me when no one

else would,

through it all, You have

given me an education,

that no college could provide,

no amount of money

could buy,

teaching me humility

and compassion,

helping me to stand,

allowing me to fall,

showing me the illusion

surrounding this world,

the lies that trap so many,

who do not even know

they are trapped;

no one makes it out of this life

without You,

no one comes to the Father,

but though You.

.

.