things

looking around this room, I realize

that I have all these things,

there are things piled upon things,

things that I never knew I had,

things I will never use,

things I will never want to use;

they are everywhere;

where the fuck did they all

come from?

why did I get them?

books, tapes,

dvds, cds

junk mail, clothes

collectibles;

I’m not even sure I actually own

a single damn one of them,

technically I think they belong

to the credit card companies,

since they paid for most of them,

actually they probably paid

for all of them,

of course I have paid them back,

many times over in interest alone,

so I won’t feel very bad,

when I give them all back,

along with the unpaid balances,

because I don’t need a single one of these things,

none of this shit,

all I really need is a pen and a pad of paper,

although the computer is handy;

but I think that belongs to

mastercard;

now that I think about it,

I have never wanted anything,

with the exception of one time,

when I wanted to make the varsity

baseball team, in my sophomore

year in high school,

and I did,

but other than that,

I never wanted anybody or

anything,

I just woke up every morning,

took in a deep breath,

and waited for shit to happen,

people to come and go,

things to accumulate,

like snow on a winters day;

don’t get me wrong,

I have had some incredible things

come my way,

awards,

my daughters,

my grandson,

but I never asked for any of them,

I was glad to get them,

but I never asked for them;

you do what you have to do

to get by, and whatever happens

happens, I sometimes wonder if this is normal,

do other people have all these things?

and if they do, do they actually want them?

or are they like me, without even realizing it,

just trying to eat, sleep and breathe,

forced to do whatever is necessary,

ready to accept whatever comes along;

yeah I went a long time,

never wanting one fucking thing;

now I want her,

and that is the only thing

I have ever really

needed.

.

.