Sitting in a Mall While Growing Old

“For whoever wants to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for me will find it.  What good will it be for a man if he gains the whole world, yet forfeits his soul?”   Matthew 16:25-26

“The man who loves his life will lose it, while the man who hates his life in this world will keep it for eternal life.”   John 12:25

“For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have everlasting life. For God did not send his Son into the world to condemn the world, but to save the world through him. Whoever believes in him is not condemned, but whoever does not believe stands condemned already because he has not believed in the name of God’s one and only Son. This is the verdict: Light has come into the world, but men loved darkness instead of light because their deeds were evil. Everyone who does evil hates the light, and will not come into the light for fear that his deeds will be exposed. But whoever lives by the truth comes into the light, so that it may be seen plainly that what he as done has been done through God.”   John 3:16-21

“I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.”   John 16:33

it’s not easy growing old,

but then again

it’s not so bad either,

there’s a calm sort of peace,

sitting on a bench

in the middle of the mall,

drinking a cup of coffee,

watching people pass you by;

knowing that it will soon be

all over;

you start to see the egotistical agenda

in it all,

for the first time

you begin to understand

the futility;

and it’s just not so bad;

the curtain is pulled back,

the illusion disappears,

the Holy Spirit speaks

and you realize,

nothing of this world matters,

everything is temporary,

everything is changing,

yet everything remains the same,

all the selfishness, pride, ego, emotions,

feelings, lust, fear, anger, frustrations, greed,

are just self-absorbed hypocrisy,

coming and going,

growing and dying,

fading with each moment

of passing time;

that there is a truth much larger

than life or death;

we fail,

because we choose to fail,

drowning in the madness,

running from the light,

blaming it on destiny,

making friends

with the prince of this world,

wallowing in our self-pity,

crying at the hopelessness,

preferring the darkness,

hiding from the truth;

we fail because we choose to fail;

without Jesus there is nothing,

He is the vine,

we are the branches,

the beginning and the end,

the Alpha and the Omega,

the great I am,

the Truth, the Light,

the Way,

through Him do all things exist,

through Him are all things possible,

no man cometh to the Father

but through Him;

praise His holy name forever!

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Down The Road Where You Lead

amidst the lost and lonely emptiness

of this long cold night,

I search for Your wonderful presence,

throughout the constant bombardment and battering

of the enemies cruel and vicious attacks,

I cry out for You;

O Lord,

be real within my mind and heart,

do not be distant and far away,

reach out Your mighty hand,

bring forth Your glorious mercy and grace,

show Your servant blessed favor;

silence the careless words of anger and hurt

rolling off my venomous tongue,

remove the thoughts of evil and lust

clouding my flesh-driven mind,

pull me from this iniquity and filth

I find myself drowning in,

I can’t make it any other way,

I have tried so many times before,

I have searched for so very long,

I have walked in darkness all my life,

You are the only answer,

You are the only truth,

You are the only light,

You are the only way;

save me Lord,

heal my broken spirit,

shelter me from the gathering storm,

guide my every step,

fill me with Your perfect love,

teach me Your righteous and holy ways;

remove anything not of You;

down the road where You lead

I will travel,

Yours is the face I will seek

for all of my days.

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gratitude

reach deep,

search for tired empty answers,

hidden by dreams of mist,

imprisoned by

bars of golden madness,

darkness,

looking beyond the night,

deeper,

crawling into the past,

running from nameless faces

and silent voices;

with a soft sigh

it died,

never to return,

never to feel,

again;

unnoticed,

unattended,

in the end

there just wasn’t enough room,

choices made,

irreversible,

unrecoverable,

dark highways traveled

on imaginary steeds

in strange forgotten lands;

who are we to say?

who are we to know?

perhaps it is just as well,

secrets were never destined

to stand out

in the morning light;

thank you

for the time

You have given me.

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Gulf Shores (9 Nov, 2010)

in the morning

we walk the beach in silence,

hand in hand,

bathed in sunlight,

surrounded by a blue, cloudless sky,

waves lapping rhythmically,

hypnotic,

echoing the heartbeat of life;

this must be heaven;

images and words

flow like electric current,

“I should have brought something to write with,” I tell her,

“I’ve written an entire poem in my head

but I’ll never remember it.”

I’ve lost so many that way,

slipping through my fingers

like liquid glass;

gone forever;

we watch a pod of dolphins,

fishing just off shore,

slowly breaking the surface,

bobbing and weaving,

the way it has been

for thousands of years,

the talk on the news is about

oil, economic crises and recovery,

but the dolphins don’t seem to care;

and neither do I.

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Full Moon On a November Morning

full moon,

4 am,

bright November morning,

Nicholson and Hell’s Angels,

playing on television,

writing words as they come,

words that will be long gone,

by the light of day;

I think of you,

holding you,

being with you,

making love to you;

one night,

one moment,

one chance;

gone forever;

loving you,

is like loving the wind,

unreachable,

untouchable,

here today;

gone tomorrow.

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The Touch

if only we could stop

and take a look around,

what wonders to behold,

what mighty miracles abound,

so much unnoticed,

so much untold;

quietly

passing us by;

creation,

so simple,

so unencumbered,

screaming out

in the bright morning sun

dancing

in the full moon light;

sounds of life and living,

it is all there,

nothing is hidden;

or is it?

the touch,

decadent and sweet,

nothing more,

nothing less.

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regret

I try to sleep,

but cannot,

I think of you,

I think of your strength,

I think of your big city

toughness,

and I only love you

more;

I think of a moment, when I

held you in my arms,

your arms around my waist,

telling you what a strong little

shit you are,

your laughter,

looking down into your eyes,

how I should have kissed you

right then and there,

told you I loved you,

carried you into bed,

made you mine,

but did not;

it is the biggest regret

of my life;

later,

feeling stronger,

I come to the painful

realization,

that holding on to

memories, and things

I will never control,

is doing neither you,

nor I, any good;

life goes on,

it always has,

it always will;

I have to let go;

once again,

I hold on to the one

who has carried me

through, time after time,

more than she will ever know,

more than she ever should know,

she deserves better,

but this is the best I can do,

she has known enough pain

for one lifetime,

unable to grow,

forever trapped in time,

by the monster who stole

so much,

holding on to her naivety;

I will protect her with my last

breath, even if I must protect her from

myself;

perhaps some things really are

better left unsaid,

but sometimes we say them

anyway;

and for this,

there are no regrets.

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