said the spider to the fly

all your rituals,

all your ceremonies,

all your traditions,

all your monuments,

all your self-made glory

and titles;

where have they gotten you?

all your riches,

all your wealth,

all your luxuries,

all your momentary happiness,

all your physical comforts and

self-induced pleasures;

where have they gotten you?

all your deep self-reflection,

all your self-obtained wisdom,

all your sacrifice and self-discovery,

all your self-absorbed motives

and agendas;

where have they gotten you?

still you fade,

still you slip,

still you rot,

still you disappear;

they have gained you nothing.

.

.

Final Analysis

I have seen all the works that are done under the sun; and, behold, all is vanity and vexation of spirit.   Ecclesiastes 1:14

in the final analysis,

you don’t find the words

they find you,

gliding in like geese

landing on a remote mountain lake,

touching down with a splash at

3 in the morning,

you either take the shot or

lose them forever;

by morning they will be gone;

this ocean stretches endlessly

before me,

a sea of words,

mountains of darkness,

places visited,

journeys taken,

thoughts hidden within

the magnitude,

lost inside the enormity,

none of it matters now,

inside there’s more,

but the will and desire are gone;

a new kind of sadness

overcomes my soul,

final, complete,

without return,

I have gone so far,

yet I have gone nowhere;

all the atrocity,

all the inequity,

all the inequality,

all the injustice,

swept under the carpet,

made to go away,

pretending it never happened;

you reap what you sow;

unbroken,

uninspired,

unrepentant,

destined to repeat the lies,

your hour is here,

your time has come;

this flesh is born,

this flesh dies,

crumbling back into the dust

from whence it came,

your greatness,

your accomplishments,

your desires,

your good works,

just a fading footnote,

eventually forgotten,

in the end nothing but

vanity and vexation;

the mountains shine like jewels

in the morning sun,

they too fade away,

without You there is nothing.

.

.

I Have Lived a Life/You Were There

I have lived a life,

it has not always been correct,

it has not always been sweet,

it has not always been perfect,

but it has always been mine;

I have lived a life,

what more can be said?

I have made many mistakes,

I have had many regrets,

I have lived a life,

I have gambled and lost,

I have smiled and won,

I have laughed with angels,

I have cried with demons;

I have lived a life,

for better or worse,

for richer or poorer,

through good times and bad,

I have lived a life;

within every victory,

inside every defeat,

there has been one constant, one truth,

one answer to which I have returned,

time after time,

lying in dark, silent gyms,

waiting to run onto electrified, football fields,

driving blindly down dark, winding roads,

barely able to hold on to the wheel,

eyes blinded from alcohol and drugs,

You were there;

walking alone through

deserted, snow covered streets,

where everything seemed dead and lost,

You were there,

patiently waiting,

silently offering hope,

steadily dispensing love,

constantly providing truth,

gently guiding my path

back to You;

now I face the final test,

now I must overcome the last obstacle,

now I must turn to You

for the strength to see it through,

now I must put my trust in You

within whom all things are possible;

give me the words,

give me the strength,

give me the power,

give me the answers;

I have lived a life,

I have won,

I have lost,

now through You,

I am ready to live

a better one.

.

.

Knowledge of God

O the depth of the riches both of the wisdom and knowledge of God! How unsearchable are his judgments, and his ways past finding out! For who hath known the mind of the Lord? Or who hath been his counselor? Or who hath first given to him, and it shall be recompensed unto him again? For of him, and through him, and to him, are all things: to whom be glory for ever. Amen.   Romans 11:33-36

wandering alone,

destroyed by the moment,

overcome by the magnitude,

afraid of the consequences;

eternally gone;

I have fallen short,

I have been less,

I have not been

all that You created

me to be,

I don’t comprehend the reason,

I can’t explain the why,

I only know through You

it will all work out

in the end;

without suffering and pain

there would be no relief,

without sadness and sorrow

there would be no happiness and joy,

without darkness and evil

there would be no light or righteousness,

without You

there would be no hope;

thank you Lord,

rebuke me when I am wrong,

discipline me as a beloved son,

praise Your holy name forever,

to You belongs the glory;

to You shall I belong

forever.

.

.

Naked

When the woman saw that the fruit of the tree was good for food and pleasing to the eye, and also desirable for gaining wisdom, she took some and ate it. She also gave some to her husband, who was with her, and he ate it. Then the eyes of both of them were opened, and they realized they were naked; so they sewed fig leaves together and made coverings for themselves. Then the man and his wife heard the sound of the Lord God as he was walking in the garden in the cool of the day, and they hid from the Lord God among the trees of the garden. But the Lord God called to the man, “Where are you?” He answered, “I heard you in the garden, and I was afraid because I was naked; so I hid.” And he said, “Who told you that you were naked? Have you eaten from the tree I commanded you not to eat from?”   Genesis 3:6-11

“You say, ‘I am rich; I have acquired wealth and do not need a thing.’ But you do not realize that you are wretched, pitiful, poor, blind and naked. I counsel you to buy from me gold refined in the fire, so you can cover your shameful nakedness; and salve to put on your eyes, so you can see. Those to whom I love I rebuke and discipline. So be earnest and repent. Here I am! I stand at the door and knock. If anyone hears my voice and opens the door, I will come in and eat with him and he with me.”   Revelation 3:17-20

once more you open my eyes,

showing me just how blind

I really am,

how wretched, pitiful and poor

I have become,

revealing the evil lurking inside,

uncovering all the filth,

the inadequacies,

the incompleteness,

the nakedness;

Lord I am so far away!

I hear Your voice,

softly counseling,

gently rebuking,

quietly disciplining;

showing me the path

which leads to You;

Father, remove this darkness,

heal the wounds as only You can,

renew all that I am,

fill me with Your precious Holy Spirit,

bathe me in Your glorious light;

make me a son

of the living God.

.

.

Numb

The sun will be turned to darkness and the moon to blood before the coming of the great and dreadful day of the LORD. And everyone who calls on the name of the LORD will be saved.   Joel 2:31-32

For there is no difference between Jew and Gentile – the same Lord is Lord of all and richly blesses all who call on him, for, “Everyone who calls on the name of the Lord will be saved.”   Romans 10:12-13

the numbness grows,

I fight,

I flex,

I stretch,

I rub,

but still it grows;

it’s like sinking

in quicksand;

I should not complain,

yet still I complain,

I should not criticize,

yet still I criticize,

I should not judge,

yet still I judge,

I should not hate,

yet still I hate,

I should not speak,

yet still I speak;

what hope is there

for one such as I?

Your law is light,

Your yoke is truth,

Your garments are righteousness,

Your path is faith,

Your garden is love,

You have taken away

the darkness and despair,

I have called upon Your name

and You have heard;

I was dead

but now I am alive.

.

.

Psalm 103

Praise the LORD, my soul; all my inmost being, praise his holy name. Praise the LORD, my soul, and forget not all his benefits— who forgives all your sins and heals all your diseases, who redeems your life from the pit and crowns you with love and compassion, who satisfies your desires with good things so that your youth is renewed like the eagle’s. The LORD works righteousness and justice for all the oppressed. He made known his ways to Moses, his deeds to the people of Israel: The LORD is compassionate and gracious, slow to anger, abounding in love. He will not always accuse, nor will he harbor his anger forever; he does not treat us as our sins deserve or repay us according to our iniquities. For as high as the heavens are above the earth, so great is his love for those who fear him; as far as the east is from the west, so far has he removed our transgressions from us. As a father has compassion on his children, so the LORD has compassion on those who fear him; for he knows how we are formed, he remembers that we are dust. The life of mortals is like grass, they flourish like a flower of the field; the wind blows over it and it is gone, and its place remembers it no more. But from everlasting to everlasting the LORD’s love is with those who fear him, and his righteousness with their children’s children— with those who keep his covenant and remember to obey his precepts. The LORD has established his throne in heaven, and his kingdom rules over all. Praise the LORD, you his angels, you mighty ones who do his bidding, who obey his word. Praise the LORD, all his heavenly hosts, you his servants who do his will. Praise the LORD, all his works everywhere in his dominion. Praise the LORD, my soul.   Psalm 103:1-22

when I turn to You

light comes pouring in,

darkness slips away,

hope rises within;

I am set free;

You are a sweet summer breeze,

a clear mountain stream,

a warm, gentle touch,

innocence and purity;

truth complete;

as far as the east is from the west

have You removed my transgressions from me,

as a father has compassion on his child

have You had compassion on me;

through Your unfathomable sacrifice

have I been redeemed from the dead,

by Your mercy and grace

has my soul been restored;

forever shall I belong to You,

forever shall I sing of Your greatness,

forever shall I praise Your name,

forever shall I love You above all others;

let Your will be done

on earth as it is in heaven,

remove all that is not of You,

cleanse the filth and iniquity

abiding within this imperfect temple,

make me into a new creation,

fill me with Your love;

You are my strength,

You are my rock,

You are my comfort and joy,

You are my God;

You are my Everything.

.

.