Poems for my wife

than you

I have written many things in my life,

thought many thoughts,

fantasized many fantasies,

dreamed many dreams;

but none of them

are more important

than you;

I have written of imaginary lovers

and foolish ideas,

all of which

seemed so important,

but were nothing,

nothing at all,

when compared to the love

that we share;

you are the reality

which has kept me holding on

(to this life),

for more years

than I can remember,

yours is the touch

I long to feel,

the voice

I long to hear

at the end of the day,

when nothing seems real,

when nothing is true,

as all the thoughts and ideas

go drifting away,

like smoke

from a burning campfire,

you are the part of me

I can never let go,

no matter how hard

this need to destroy

everything that I touch

has tried;

there is no one

I would rather be with

than you.

______________________________

One Flesh

what began so small,

has become so great,

what once was two,

has been joined as one;

one love,

one life,

one truth,

one flesh;

you are the one

my heart desires,

you are the one

who makes me whole,

when you laugh I laugh,

when you cry I cry,

without you I would be lost,

without you I would be alone,

without you I would be incomplete;

no one but you and I

understand this great and

magnificent miracle,

this deep and hidden mystery

our life has become,

a beautiful, wondrous,

blessing of God,

for which I give

continual thanks;

what God has joined together,

let no one put asunder,

as it was in the beginning,

so shall it be in the end.

___________________________________________

Home

sitting in this greasy, all night

Michigan redneck, café,

sipping dark, stale coffee,

listening to the local philosophers

as they eat breakfast,

on their way to dry walling

and other assorted craft jobs,

indoors of course (getting to cold for

outside work),

discussing the beating death

of a Wyoming fag (their word),

and how the poor ole boys who did it

will never get a fair trial,

with all the negative publicity,

and what is this world coming too,

when you can’t even bash a few fags around

and get away with it,

after all, they was just having a little fun,

they didn’t actually mean to

kill the little fucker (chuckles all around);

while listening the thought occurs,

that with just a different twist of fate,

I could be sitting at that table

with all the other small town

know-it-alls,

discussing world politics and Wyoming fags,

and it is only now that I realize

I don’t belong here anymore,

just as the swamplands and

muskrats of south jersey

do not belong here,

this place I once called home,

has become just another town,

full of strangers and family

I no longer know,

nor care too;

this place leaves me feeling

so empty and impotent;

I think of my wife,

the woman who has been with me

for more years than I once

lived in this place,

the woman whose touch still

electrifies me,

the woman who has become

my one constant,

my only reality,

the one thing I can depend on,

together we have built a new home,

free from family or friends interference;

she is where I belong;

she is my home.

____________________________________

More

she has been by my side

for more than half her life,

she has been my lover,

my best friend,

the part of me

that has allowed for survival,

in a world so dark and lost;

she is my strength,

my foundation,

I need her

like the dawn

needs the sun,

like the night

needs the moon,

the light

which guides the way;

if I could,

I would give her more;

words cannot say

what her and I have,

nor can they replace

this life we have shared,

she builds me up

when I am down,

she continues to believe

in us, when I give her

no reason;

if I could

I would give her more.

____________________________________

Mackinaw

for a moment,

sitting on that bench,

with the water washing up on the shore,

the cool breeze blowing in our face,

the bright sun shining overhead,

we had come to a place

never thought possible,

a place where everything is as it should be,

as it was meant to be;

we discussed many things on that bench,

warm bright happy things,

deep dark painful things;

she has given me more

than I ever imagined possible,

more than I ever deserved.

__________________________

24 Years Ago

24 years ago,

we began a journey,

you and I,

neither of us knowing

just where it would lead;

together,

we have shared the good,

survived the bad,

crossing lines and barriers,

until I know longer know

where you begin,

and I end;

you have shown me tomorrows,

all the time withstanding

the yesterdays,

and for this;

I will love you forever.

________________________

If You Only Knew

if you only knew,

just how desperately

I depend on you,

how hopelessly lost

I would be without you;

your love is like

a delicate pane of glass,

so fragile,

so beautiful,

yet waiting to be shattered

upon the ground

into a thousand pieces;

do not be fooled

by the masks or charades,

the unimportant things,

see into me,

hold on to me,

but most of all,

don’t let me shatter you,

for it is I

who needs you

more;

more than you could

ever know.

__________________________

Magic Time

now, is the bewitching time,

now, is the quiet time,

now, is the in-between time;

now is the magic time;

I love this time

most of all,

as the last rays of daytime light

fade into the dark shadows

of the cold black night;

laying here with you,

makes it all so simple and clear,

no thoughts of tomorrow,

no empty worries;

no mindless fear;

soon enough it will pass,

and the world will come

crashing back in,

like some giant ocean wave,

but for now

let us remember

this quiet time,

this in-between time;

this magic time.

_____________________

Finally

journeys made,

years spent searching for answers

which never came,

and a place to call home,

which was here all along;

for the first time,

I see your face,

for the first time,

I realize how much

I need you,

for the first time,

I feel the storm dying inside,

the darkness giving way

to bright sunshine,

the rage turning to calm;

making love,

you take me places

where I have never been,

your touch is like a warm old friend,

calling me back again and again,

you have made me the best I will ever be,

you have taken me to the highest peaks

I will ever climb,

now I can see,

now I can breathe;

now I can love.

______________________

My Soul

she is my soul,

even if neither of us

are ready to admit it,

through her

all things flow,

she is the reality

to fantasies and dreams

too dark to reveal,

she is the well

from which this magical power springs,

she is the outlet

for all that is good and bad,

filling me up

when all seems lost,

renewing depleted supplies,

restoring the myth

where there is none,

accepting the abuse

then crying out for more,

always on the verge

of breaking through,

yet holding back,

not quite ready

to fall over the edge,

afraid of the power she possesses

to create or destroy my life,

she is my soul.

_____________________

The Golden Years

it wasn’t supposed to be like this,

so empty and borderline,

so almost final,

full of unanswered questions and

unfulfilled promises;

long ago there was time,

endless and forever,

like stars in the eternal night,

now they fade,

as light from the new dawn

rises over the hills,

so remote and far away;

but somehow

we reached the golden years,

where everything is not too bad,

or not too good,

just somewhere in the middle,

just okay;

a very gentle and quiet place.

_________________________

Winter Morning at the Shore

in the morning the ocean is calm,

trash trucks canvass the boardwalk,

preparing receptacles for a new days rush,

the air is cool but not cold,

life ticks on,

gulls fly by and waves dance,

everything as it should be,

everyday;

on tv the talk is about Syria

and new righteous wars,

but the dolphins and gulls

don’t know about these things,

and neither should we,

but still we do,

it is in our nature,

our heritage,

and so we will,

but it is of our own choosing;

for we have options;

alone, I go for a walk on the boardwalk,

Chinese Christians gather on the beach,

praying to someone or something,

trying to make sense of it all before it is too late,

I watch from afar,

thinking about my work

and promises made but not kept,

about the predictability of it all,

and how sometimes you wish

you were wrong;

just once;

watching the ocean waves

pound slowly on the sandy shore,

realizing that they could care less,

that everyone but me could care less,

and perhaps I should care less too;

I think of my father,

and how I wish I could show him

that it doesn’t always have to be his way,

that it is okay to feel good,

that it is okay to simply be;

but I know I never will;

winter at the shore

is the best time of all,

for some it is a given,

others hold fast to it,

like a man drowning in the ocean,

later these thoughts will mean nothing,

but for the moment,

they are everything;

they are all there is.

perhaps the golden years

won’t be so bad after all,

maybe they will be

just what was needed,

or at least something new;

crawling back into bed,

reaching for her warm body,

happy to be where I am at;

happy for one more breath.

_________________________

Last Call

Finally, she has seen me naked and bare,

my soul stripped clean of all barriers and pretenses,

as she held me in her arms like a child,

precious and dear,

and for the very first time

I was ready to give it all,

no holding back,

no more deceptive lies and tricks,

as I realized that which I have been seeking

has been there right in front of me the whole time,

and that I really could have it all,

if I could just hold on to it hard enough,

long enough;

I spoke no words,

for fear they would get in the way,

as they have so many times before,

that they would say something I really didn’t mean,

and I think that I told her more

than I have ever told her before;

I finally realized that with her

I could make it through this terrible life,

with all its inadequacies and inconsistencies,

that I was more in her arms

than I could ever be outside of them;

the warm pain running through my chest,

reminds me that time is running out,

that so many years have gone by worn and wasted,

but it really doesn’t matter,

now that I have found her,

now that she has seen who I really am,

without any mask in place,

and she holds me in her arms,

it does not matter at all,

as the barkeeper living inside my head

yells out;

“last call!”

_____________________________

Final Stand

at last the sun begins to set,

the night does approach,

and it is here by your side

where I shall face

all that it has to bring,

it is here where I shall make

my final stand;

no more running,

no more hiding,

no more interference,

no more pretending;

no more fear;

traveling the miles and years

without understanding or direction,

without purpose or clarity,

once again the bullshit and

all that is unimportant

begins to fade,

the uncertainty passes,

withering roots come back to life,

brave new universes patiently wait,

seeking shelter within cool pockets

of summer shade,

the land of promise lies ahead,

we have waited for this moment

all our lives,

we have come home

to live;

we have come home

to die;

take my hand,

together we will survive

the destruction,

together we shall face

the final storm;

together we shall

make this final stand.

.

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