6 for Home

Home (forever)


Today was Petey,
my Jack Russell terrier’s third birthday,
we took him to Pet Smart,
got him a full grooming,
bought him 2 squeaky toys
and some pet treats,
when we left he pissed
on my shoe and pant leg
in the parking lot;

my wife thought
it was very funny.

I am ready to go home,
everyday I become more and
more aware as the desire
grows stronger and stronger,
tired and sick of the daily struggle,
disgusted at the lust and greed,
worn and wearied by the inequity
and unfairness of it all,
appalled by my own inability
to overcome this fleshly prison
surrounding my every side,
slowly killing me with its constant
cravings and depravity,
ready to put my soul in the hands
of the only One who
can save me from this
life that is no life,
in this place that is no home;

I am ready.

But it’s not my decision to make,
just as this life is not my life to live,
I have been bought and paid for at a price,
a price I could never afford,
with a love I cannot even fathom,
by a Master who laid His life down
that I might find the way back to my true home,
the one He has created for all who love Him;

everything I am is because of Him
everything I have belongs to Him.
_________________________


My Home

We hide inside our houses,
dreaming;

dreaming of the tomorrows,
imagining the possibilities,
running from the darkness,
mystified by the mystery,
trapped within the illusion,
waiting for the destination;

forever seeing,
but never knowing;
forever hearing,
but never understanding.

If it were up to me
I would stay in this place,
seeking shelter from the storm,
being swallowed up by the myth,
drowning in the depths,
growing cold from the emptiness,
guarding Your truth
like a rare and precious jewel,
but Your grace knows better;

Your will demands more.

I am searching for my home
but I don’t know how to get there,
so I quietly wait here in the wilderness,
running from the ghosts,
hiding from the demons,
praying for a tomorrow.

My home is neither here nor there,
not ahead or behind,
not without or within,
my home is in a land far away,
close your eyes and it is forever gone,
a whisper on the howling wind,
a flicker in the candlelight glow,
my home is nothing,
my home is everything;

my home is all there is.
_________________________

Cold

Dark, gray, rainy morning,
the cold burning pain
runs down my tired, trembling leg,
old memories slither forth,
lost and forgotten thoughts
ooze from hidden cracks and holes,
silent friends whisper sweet hellos
into well tuned ears;

fight or flight?

Outside the winter wind blows,
the running feelings return,
the get in the car and start driving
while never looking back voices
start talking;

so many years,
so many battles,
does it never end?
does it never give up?

Stay with me Father,
hold my head above the fray,
protect me from unseen enemies,
let my eyes see the light
of one more precious day,
make the cold winter wind
on dark, gray, rainy mornings
fade away.

Lead me through this darkness,
help me to make a stand,
protect me once again
with Your mighty protective hand,
for I have forsaken Your
wisdom and righteousness,
silence the mocking voices
whispering inside,
bring me home to You Lord;

never let me go,
never let me forget,
that for You
all things are possible.
___________________________

Creature

Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; the old has gone, the new has come.

2 Corinthians 5:17

No longer the same,
no longer a slave
of this flesh driven body,
no longer a victim,
no longer trapped
by fear and death,
something different;

a new creation.

Born of the spirit,
a foreigner
walking in a foreign land,
a child of light
called out from the darkness,
a chosen vessel;

a son of God.

Let me walk
in Your holy righteousness,
teach me how to grow,
fill me with Your endless love,
guide my steps
down paths which lead home
to You.
_________________________

My Cup Runneth Over

In the quiet
of the slowly setting sun
lie answers hidden so deep,
far from knowing eyes
or understanding minds;

there are stories
no man can tell,
there are places
no man can go.

You looked for the light
but it was only darkness
which you found,
you searched for redemption
yet it was only condemnation
that you deserved.

And yes there are stories
that no man can tell,
and there are places
where no man can go,
but still you held on,
waiting for an uncertain future,
following unsettled clues,
living without validity,
settling for pennies on the dollar,
surrendering to an enemy
already defeated,
making a home in the middle
of celestial wastelands.

I dreamed dreams,
wrestled with demons,
witnessed angels,
ran from the blackness
of the approaching night,
faced the wrath of an undeniable truth,
now I finally belong to You;

what more could I ask for?
what more could I ever need?

My cup runneth over,
surely goodness and mercy shall follow me
for all my days,
and I shall dwell in the house of the Lord
forever.
_______________________________

You’ll Never Know

You touch me like a candle,
burning with sweet, tender, mercy,
as unseen worlds and non-existent walls
rise up only to crumble back
into the dark, angry ground;

but you’ll never know,
you’ll never know,

like an unobtainable dream
you flutter into the room,
unapproachable,
unrehearsed,
fresh from the kill,
hot on the trail,
one more from the road,
your face the face of humanity,
your expression all that there is;

I feel your fingertips,
breathe your aroma,
taste your skin,
imagine the unimaginable;

you’ll never know,
never know.

You ride upon a high horse,
in distant places with no name,
frustrated fires burning within,
innocent guilt replaces
moments of madness,
lost inside the maelstrom
with no way home,
rest easy my darling,
soon it will be done,
soon enough it will be finished;

you’ll never know,
never know.

We scream into the wind,
searching for worlds
that do not exist,
running from the impending darkness,
unable to change,
unable to exist,
unable to love,
frustrated little gophers
scrambling from one hole
to another,
waiting for evening meals
complete with nighttime
fuck dreams,
tucked safely in lairs of
complacent apathy,
we are nothing
but dissolving shit,
bubbling and fizzing
our way into nooks and crannies
of indelible majesty,
where only echoes may be heard,
complete with one-way dreams
of suburbia bliss,
surrounded by walls of
utopian opulence.

Innocent pawn,
rest your beautiful head
here in grieving arms,
sweet daughter of the night,
sister of the moon,
the morning sun does approach,
bringing forth its saving light,
and it is here that you belong,
where you shall shine
like the jewel you truly are;

you will know my love,
you will know.
.
.