soon

I’m tired of trying to determine

who is right,

who is wrong,

why this happened,

why this didn’t,

who’s to blame,

who isn’t,

who should apologize,

who shouldn’t,

when none of it really matters,

none of it means anything at all,

we’re all wrong,

we’re all right,

we’re all to blame;

it just doesn’t matter;

I am tired,

I am sick,

I am dying;

and it just doesn’t matter;

I am tired of worrying about

tomorrow and yesterday,

last week and last month,

2 years ago and 5 years from now,

15 seconds from now;

I’m just fucking tired;

I just want to hold on to

the moment,

experience a perpetual orgasm,

make it all go away,

hold on to everybody and

everything but no one

and nothing,

feel high forever;

I want to let go;

just once;

soon, soon,

but not soon enough.

.

.