close

I awake at 3 in

the morning,

the dream still lingering,

the voices softly whispering,

I feel the disappointment,

I feel the sadness,

I feel the emptiness,

I feel the sorrow,

I always wanted to be someone

who made you proud;

but I never was;

now I run backhoes

and drive tractors,

pretending to be

something I am not,

accepting the pain,

ignoring the truth,

doing ‘manly’ things,

but still it’s not enough,

it will never be enough as

the voice inside screams:

“more,”

“more;”

eventually I will fail,

eventually I will quit,

eventually I will give up,

I always do,

I always have;

freedom is about

being free,

free from desires,

free from possessions,

free from fear;

freedom is about

being good enough

to walk away,

pretending it doesn’t matter,

doing without by choice,

not necessity;

freedom is about

being free from

everyone and

everything;

freedom is about being

free from yourself;

the energy fades,

slipping away like air,

forever gone,

never to return,

the time is close now,

the day no longer rules,

things are different in

the darkness of this night,

light disappears,

feelings fade,

words have no place,

secrets of the heart

spill out;

the time is close.

.

.