More Poems

                           
                                                               For The First Time


I read their poems,
I feel their rage,
I see their sadness,
I understand the frustration,
I know the darkness,
I have been where they are,
I have been on that side
of the fence;
like a giant vacuum,
it sucks you into
the deep murky mire,
while echoes below
cry out from within;

visions of madmen
standing on the platform,
waiting for a train
that never comes;

I have been to their edge.

This body fades,
for the first time
words come to life,
for the first time
possibilities
far outweigh the
realities,

for the first time
I am clean.

The pain grows,
you hold it inside
like a deformed child;

locked away,
out of sight,
out of mind,

no one listens,
no one sees,
no one understands,

but You.
______________

                                                               An Uneasy Interruption

In the end
I will fade away
like the early morning dawn,
quietly changing from darkness
into light;

without a sound,
without a fight;

a quiet whisper
in the middle of the
dark, crisp night;

we all do,
we all will,
we simply have
little choice.

The worries of this world
will mean nothing
or very little,
possessions even less,
memories but a brief moment,
an uneasy interruption,
a passing vapor
in a world of swirling mist.

I have been to the mountaintop,
I have peered into eternal oblivion,
I have heard the still small voice,
I have known the touch
of His cool, calm hand.

Words will never be enough.
__________________

                                                                               Damaged

To keep me from becoming conceited because of these surpassingly great revelations, there was given me a thorn in my flesh, a messenger of Satan, to torment me. Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me. But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.
                                                                                                           II Corinthians 12:7-10

It’s not easy
accepting that you are
permanently damaged,
a cripple,
handicapped,
less than normal;

less than a man.

That you’ll never run again,
never move freely again,
never be fast and agile again,
never be without pain,
never be without suffering,
never be without hardship.

Yes it’s not easy
but you adjust,
you get by,
you take more pills
for the pain,
you learn to move slower,
you accept the inevitable,
you patiently wait for the
collapse,
all the time knowing,
it’s only flesh and blood,
only bone and nerve endings,
only a temporary illusion;

here today,
one tomorrow.

You think about old girlfriends,
you think about memories
from the past,
you remember 55 yard touchdown runs
and inside the park homeruns,
you remember doing things
others can only dream about,
and you come to the realization
that all-in-all, it’s been a pretty
fair deal,
nothing to cry over,
nothing to be bitter about,
just another speed bump
along the way,
one more trial,
one more test;

one more obstacle
to overcome.

You remember the words
of the apostle Paul,
you remember that he too
toiled and suffered,
you remember that there are things
much bigger in this life,
much more important
than the bodies in which
we are housed;

that power is made perfect
in weakness.

Thank you Jesus,
for Your magnificent
mercy and grace,
thank You for my life,
thank You for making me
a son of the living God,
thank You for the peace and joy
You have placed within my heart,
thank You for the suffering and sacrifice
endured for me,
thank You for being my Lord,
thank You for being my King;

thank You for being my Everything.
__________________________

                                                                   So Shall I

It gets harder everyday,
sometimes it feels as though
my bones are on fire,
half the time
I’m not sure if it’s physical, mental
or spiritual;

or maybe a combination
of all three.

I know it’s the diabetes,
it’s getting serious now,
no more fooling around,
no more slight inconvenience,
it has become the monster
all the experts said it would,
a crazed killer
without conscious,
a psychopathic beast
who knows neither mercy
or compassion,
devouring everything
in its path.

Sometimes I just want
to get a bottle of whiskey,
take a few percocettes
with some Billy Gibbons guitar
playing on the headphones;
make the pain melt away,
drift off into the fog,
never come back,
sometimes I just want to
make it stop,
physically, mentally
and spiritually;

so easy,
so final.

But that would be the easy way,
the path of least resistance,
the broad gate,
the road that leads to destruction,

He is worth more than that.

In the evening darkness
I search for His light,
in the morning silence
I listen for His voice,
He is there by my side,
He gives me strength
when there is none,
He picks me up
when I am down,
He will not let me fail,
He will not let me give up,
He has defeated this world,
and through Him,

so shall I.
________________

                                                                  Just One More Breath

I am tired of living a life
whose only function is self-satisfaction,
in a world where nothing really matters,
where goodness is measured
in terms of self-indulgence and self-glorification,
and success by total net worth;

I am tired of a life
without You.

I think about
how wonderful it will be
when I am where You are at,
no more worry,
no more fear,
no more disappointment,
no more turmoil,
no more struggle;

no more doubt.

I think about
how I long to leave this life behind,
step out of this fleshly prison
and walk into Your waiting arms,
but then I remember
how you lived Your life for me
without ever once thinking of Yourself,
struggling and sacrificing
through the agony and pain,
bearing the isolation and shame,
giving up Your life that I might live,
and I realize that You deserve
every minute of my life,
every thought, every action, every breath,
that You and You alone are my Lord and King,
that You have so much more for me to do,
so many things left unfinished,
so much wasted time to make up for,
so I ask for just one more breath
that I might serve You,
just one more breath
that Your name might be glorified;

just one more breath
that I might breathe it
for You.
________________________________________
Note to any of my family who might read these poems: I want (need) you to understand that poetry for me is like a snapshot. It is not the whole picture. The poems I am posting here are snapshots and nothing more. They do not necessarily reflect the reality of everything that makes up my life. They are the quiet, private moments that we all think or feel at one time or another. They are nothiing but snapshots and not the whole picture. Please do not be overly concerned about me. I have recorded thousands of 'moments' over the past 40 years. Most of them are kept quietly hidden away for the very reason that I do not want you to worry or feel like you need to help me in some way. Lately I have begun to share these 'moments' in the hope that people might appreciate them from a literary aspect and in a small way might derive some benefit or pleasure from them. The reading I did in Grand Rapids was part of that sharing. The one aspect of all these writings that is reality is the love, mercy and grace of the Lord Jesus Christ. It is in that aspect that I hold the sincere hope that if one line of one poem can somehow stir something inside just one person and turn them in the direction of the Lord and His Holy Spirit where they can be saved then it will all have been worth it.