regrets

I try to sleep,

but cannot,

I think of you,

I think of your strength,

I think of your big city

toughness,

and I only love you

more;

I think of a moment,

when I held you in my arms,

your arms around my waist,

telling you what a strong little

shit you are,

your laughter,

looking down into your eyes,

how I should have kissed you

right then and there,

told you I loved you,

carried you into bed,

made you mine,

but did not;

it is the biggest regret

of my life;

later,

feeling stronger,

I come to the painful

realization,

that holding on to

memories, and things

I will never control,

is doing neither you,

nor I,

any good;

life goes on,

it always has,

it always will;

I have to let go;

once again,

I hold on to the one

who has carried me

through, time after time,

more than she will ever know,

more than she ever should know,

she deserves better,

but this is the best I can do,

she has known enough pain

for one lifetime,

unable to grow,

forever trapped in time,

by the monster who stole

so much,

holding on to her naivety;

I will protect her with my last

breath, even if I must protect her from

myself;

perhaps some things really are

better left unsaid,

but sometimes we say them

anyway;

and for this,

there are no regrets.

.

.

.