there are no mistakes

the hour grows late,

the morning does approach,

your mockery says all there

is to say,

your silence says even more;

we mock that which we

do not understand,

we do not understand that

which we mock,

running from the darkness

lurking within,

hiding the fear consuming

everything we are;

the time is close now,

indeed the time has

come and gone,

there are no tomorrows,

no yesterdays,

no todays,

there is only here,

there is only now;

there is only goodbye;

trapped within the truth,

collaborating with the enemy,

running from the end,

searching for a sanctuary,

they have taken it all,

but they can never take this,

they can never take You;

so much lost,

so much forgotten,

so much unknown;

so much farther

to go;

there are dreams and notions,

ideas and plans,

fantasies of grandeur;

none of them are fulfillment;

there are places higher

than we imagine them to be,

dreams beyond our limited imaginations,

words speaking more than we can describe,

worlds where illusion

does not exist;

we choose our lives,

willingly or unwittingly,

knowing or unknowing,

wisely or foolishly;

we choose to be degraded,

we choose to live in darkness,

we choose to be condemned;

we bumble along,

careening down paths without a clue,

blindly searching for truth,

and light,

and sun,

and sky;

there are no mistakes;

every word,

every thought,

every second,

every moment,

every shit,

every fuck,

every amen;

there are no mistakes;

we make our choices,

we choose our failures,

we cry and scream,

we search and dream,

we make our choices;

there are no mistakes;

becoming everything we were

meant to be,

monsters of our own making,

creations of our own doing;

there are no mistakes;

choosing our dungeons,

choosing our demons,

basking in the warm electric glow

of the sinister excitement,

living vicariously through their

evil existence;

we choose;

there are no mistakes;

in the morning,

before the doubt,

before the poison,

anything is possible,

the world is bright and new,

fresh and alive,

but then it is gone,

reality sets in;

I wait outside her domain

like a dog in heat,

I listen to her voice

pounding within,

like ocean waves

on a dark angry night,

she holds me in arms

of shifting winds,

without shape or form;

life is full of wasted time,

wide open spaces and moments

in between the ones that count,

long drawn out hours of insufferable

boredom,

highlighted by seconds of indescribable

pleasure;

life is a never ending orgasm,

working and struggling,

building and rising,

working for just one

short burst,

one quick release;

I want a place to hide,

a shelter from the storm,

safety in the wilderness,

a home within the night;

what words can be said for this?

what salvation, what mercy,

what redemption?

there are places

where hope does not walk,

places where love has no home,

light does not shine,

truth does not speak,

down here words fail,

seasons become blurred;

is it wrong to give up?

is it wrong to let go?

we come so close,

reaching and touching,

knowing and seeing,

hearing and feeling,

so close,

yet so impossibly far,

flowing like underground rivers;

hidden,

alone,

silent;

fires burn bright,

stars blaze through the night,

yet we see only the shadows,

moving through rising tides,

surviving extravagant excess,

hiding among the corners,

day after day we wait,

miles become like dead stones,

wrapped around the necks

of fools and lovers,

hour by hour we survive,

selling flesh inch by inch,

smiling at reflections in the dust,

crumbling before the edges

with nothing in return.

.

.