waiting

I am waiting;

searching for truth,

reading the words of fools,

listening to the voices

of liars and thieves;

I see their agendas,

I expose their hypocrisy,

I understand their fears;

there is no love,

there is no pity,

there is only judgment,

there is only condemnation;

and still,

I wait:

one more day,

one more minute,

one more breath,

passing by unnoticed,

unknown,

unheard;

clarity has no meaning,

in this land gone mad,

insanity replaces greed,

truth does not

give up her secrets,

without a fight;

we have consumed

all there is,

we have taken,

until there is nothing

more to take,

we have stolen,

until there is nothing

left to steal,

we have sold

our future to the

highest bidder;

it is easy to become part

of the problem,

when there is no solution,

easy to let go,

when there is nothing

left on which to hang;

I live in a world

begging for redemption,

I live in a world

searching for truth,

I live in a world

dying in its own filth,

destroyed by its own wisdom,

caught up

in its own righteousness,

floating on its own

fantasy,

I live in a world

blinded by its own

darkness;

afraid of its own fear;

look deep,

see the reality that

no one sees,

reach out,

touch the night,

understand the solitary

loneliness lurking within;

I have survived so many setbacks,

I have moved past all the

letdowns and disappointments,

what’s one more?

eventually nothing matters,

nothing is real,

it is all a fake,

it is all just another

days work,

nothing matters;

not me,

not you,

not today,

not tomorrow,

not the day,

not the night;

nothing.

.

.

everyday

“Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothes? Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life?” Matthew 6:25-27

“Whoever finds their life will lose it, and whoever loses their life for my sake will find it.” Matthew 10:39

That whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have eternal life. For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life. John 3:15-16

And Jesus said unto them, I am the bread of life: he that cometh to me shall never hunger; and he that believeth on me shall never thirst. John 6:35

some hold on a little

longer,

some a little less,

eventually,

the sun does set

on us all,

in the end we

become equal,

as cruel as this

might seem,

at least it is

unconditional and

without favor;

God is no respecter

of persons;

I think about all the

missed opportunities,

all the special individuals,

all the moments which

slipped through my fingers,

the chances to tell them

how very unique they were,

how much I loved them,

but the time came and went;

now they are gone;

everyday I wait for freedom,

everyday I hang on for tomorrow,

everyday I fight the battle,

everyday I lose the war;

life is not about happiness and joy,

life is not about self-discovery,

life is not about self-satisfaction, or

self-motivation, or any kind of self

at all;

life is about love

and forgiveness,

life is about doing unto others

as you would have them

do unto you,

life is about coming to the

realization that we all have

fallen short,

that none of us are going

to escape on our own,

life is about loving God,

with all your mind and

heart;

everyday I wait for freedom,

everyday I hang on for tomorrow,

everyday I fight the battle,

everyday I lose the war.

.

.

close

I awake at 3 in

the morning,

the dream still lingering,

the voices softly whispering;

I feel the disappointment,

I feel the sadness,

I feel the emptiness,

I feel the sorrow,

I always wanted to be someone

who made you proud;

but I never was;

now I run backhoes

and drive tractors,

pretending to be

something I am not,

accepting the pain,

ignoring the truth,

doing ‘manly’ things,

but still it’s not enough,

it will never be enough as

the voice inside screams:

“more,”

“more;”

eventually I will fail,

eventually I will quit,

eventually I will give up;

I always do,

I always have;

freedom is about

being free;

free from desires,

free from possessions,

free from fear;

freedom is about

being good enough

to walk away;

pretending it doesn't matter,

doing without by choice;

not necessity;

freedom is about

being free from

everyone and

everything;

free from yourself;

the energy fades,

slipping away like air,

forever gone,

never to return,

the time is close now,

the day no longer rules,

things are different in

the darkness of this night,

light disappears,

feelings fade,

words have no place,

secrets of the heart

spill out;

the time is close.

.

.

Stolen Ground

I have tasted heights so high,

I have swam depths so deep,

touching things along the way,

which were never mine to keep,

traveling beyond all there

was to know,

yet still there is more,

so much more to go;

confusion and sorrow color

these early morning skies,

answers lie hidden

among alternatives and

cascading lies,

places once called home

crumble into the far-off

fading light,

faces once called friends,

disappear into the approaching black,

of this forever growing night;

take my hand,

lead me from this land,

hear my voice,

help me make a stand;

darkness grows above,

storms rise from below,

over-fed pretenders

prepare for the final show,

in this never ending battle

which can never be won,

raging just beyond

all that can be overcome;

into the nighttime void a

whisper does sound,

shadows of tomorrow looming large

across this stolen ground,

mistakes of yesterday forever lost,

innocent blood shed,

freedom at such a staggering cost;

take my hand,

lead me from this land,

hear my voice,

help me make a stand.

.

.

What Cost?

your humanity,

your life,

your soul;

what cost this freedom?

broken bodies,

broken promises,

broken lives,

broken dreams;

what price to be

a man?

life is but moments,

moments of laughter,

moments of joy,

moments of sorrow,

moments of suffering,

every minute a struggle,

every second another

missed opportunity;

in the end they fade;

I wish I could

have been better;

a better father,

a better husband,

a better brother,

a better son,

a better friend;

that somehow,

I could have been

more than what

I was;

for now we say goodbye,

yet still it does

not end,

this too is just

another moment;

fading like the evening sun.

.

.

The Final Frontier

By myself I have sworn, my mouth has uttered in all integrity a word that will not be revoked; Before me every knee will bow, by me every tongue will swear. Isaiah 45:23

Therefore God exalted him to the highest place and gave him the name that is above every name, that at the name of Jesus every knee should bow, in heaven and on earth and under earth, and every tongue confess that Jesus Christ is Lord, to the glory of God the Father.    Philippians 2:9-11

at last,

the final frontier,

prison bars removed,

iniquity and filth

buried in the ground,

freedom forever;

fear and doubt

no more;

so close,

the taste burns

within your dry,

empty mouth,

truth uninterrupted,

light without limit,

glory beyond imagination,

flesh without sin;

life without death;

it is here,

You have brought me,

it is now,

for which I have waited,

perfect power,

pure and unblemished;

every knee shall bow,

every tongue shall confess.

.

.

gone

He left us on a warm, autumn day, just walked away from life like a man on a long journey home. What is my life? What is any man’s life? Flesh and blood, disappearing vapor; here today, gone tomorrow.

there is a toxicity in the air,

a shallow kind of pall,

a quiet mushrooming hush,

as the clouds wait in witness;

I've started losing track of the days,

words no longer have meaning,

people and places become a blur,

my life fades like the night,

through it all You remain;

the myths are stripped away,

the moments silently await,

little boys stare at fastballs,

floating lazily down the

middle of the plate,

the promise looms on the

distant horizon,

like some giant football scoreboard,

70 yards of open field

lie just ahead,

You were there in the beginning,

You are there in the end;

through it all You remain;

the edge does not hold the fear

it once did,

the darkness but a whisper,

the distance lessens as You

become one step closer;

just one beat;

just one breath;

freedom;

.

.

Anyway

in the morning I search for Your light,

amidst the pre-dawn blackness,

it burns like a beacon in the night,

showing the way to freedom,

guiding the path to life;

Lord I love You, because

You loved me first,

when I broke Your heart,

You loved me anyway,

when I deserved only punishment,

You loved me anyway,

when I helped nail You to that cross,

You loved me anyway;

I stumble and fall,

You pick me up once again,

I run and hide,

You patiently stand waiting,

I spread seeds of hatred and doubt,

You love me anyway;

no one knows the struggle,

no one understands the darkness,

no one feels the emptiness,

but You.

.

.

freedom

the words have all been said,

the morning dawn begins to break,

the time is here,

the time is now;

freedom

.

.

So Shall I

it gets harder everyday,

sometimes it feels as though

my bones are on fire,

half the time,

I’m not sure if the pain is

physical,

mental,

or spiritual;

or a combination

of all three;

it is the diabetes,

it’s getting serious now,

no more fooling around,

no more slight inconvenience,

it has become the monster

all the experts said it would,

a crazed killer,

without conscious,

a psychopathic beast,

who knows neither mercy

or compassion,

devouring everything

in its path;

sometimes I just want

to drink a bottle of whiskey,

swallow a few pain pills,

listen to Billy Gibbons play

guitar on the headphones,

make the pain melt away,

drift off into the fog,

never come back;

sometimes I just want to

make it stop;

physically,

mentally,

spiritually;

so easy,

so final;

but that would be the

easy way,

the path of least resistance,

the broad gate,

the road that leads

to destruction;

He is worth more than that;

in the evening darkness,

I search for His light,

in the morning silence,

I listen for His voice,

He is there by my side,

giving me strength,

when there is none,

picking me up,

when I am down;

He will not let me fail,

He will not let me give up,

He has defeated this world,

and through Him;

so shall I.

.

.

Psalm 103

For as high as the heavens are above the earth, so great is his love for those who fear him; as far as the east is from the west, so far has he removed our transgressions from us. As a father has compassion on his children, so the LORD has compassion on those who fear him; for he knows how we are formed, he remembers that we are dust. The life of mortals is like grass, they flourish like a flower of the field; the wind blows over it and it is gone, and its place remembers it no more. But from everlasting to everlasting the LORD’s love is with those who fear him, and his righteousness with their children’s children— with those who keep his covenant and remember to obey his precepts. Psalm 103:11-18

when I turn to You,

light comes pouring in,

darkness slips away,

hope rises within;

I am set free;

You are a sweet summer breeze,

a clear mountain stream,

a warm, gentle touch,

innocence and purity;

truth complete;

as far as the east is from the west,

have You removed my transgressions from me,

as a father has compassion on his child,

have You had compassion on me;

through Your unfathomable sacrifice,

have I been redeemed from the dead,

by Your mercy and grace,

has my soul been restored;

forever shall I belong to You,

forever shall I sing of Your greatness,

forever shall I praise Your name,

forever shall I love You

above all others;

let Your will be done,

on earth as it is in heaven,

remove all that is not of You,

cleanse the filth and iniquity,

abiding within this imperfect temple,

make me into a new creation;

fill me with Your love;

You are my strength,

You are my rock,

You are my comfort and joy,

You are my God;

You are my Everything.

.

.

Every Breath

when we are young,

we dream of all that could be,

when we grow old,

we come to the bitter realization

of all that we are not;

and what will never be;

it is then dreams die,

it is then that hope fades,

it is then truth is lost;

for everything there is a season,

for everything there is a purpose,

for every push there is a shove,

for every action there is a reaction;

overwhelm me with Your truth,

fill me with Your light,

let today be the day,

let now be the time;

in You, we become something greater,

in You, we are made complete,

in You, dreams live once more,

in You, hope is restored;

in You we shall live forever;

let every breath taken,

be taken for Your glory,

let every word spoken,

be spoken of Your majesty,

let every creature under the sun,

praise Your name;

be my King,

be my Lord,

be my Master;

raise this vessel from the dust,

make me a noble instrument,

useful for Your holy will,

let me be Your humble servant,

for all eternity.

.

.

The Best We Can

everywhere there is anger,

everywhere there is meanness,

everywhere there is ridicule,

everywhere there is despair;

men no longer search for truth,

men no longer thirst for righteousness,

it has become much too dangerous,

political correctness has become

the brave new frontier;

compromise the name of the game;

the world as we know it

is falling down,

with no relief in sight,

answers no longer have meaning,

questions are no longer asked;

I close my eyes,

and imagine days gone by,

I close my eyes,

and see days too come,

I hold on to the hope,

while letting go of the reality,

I search for winding, empty roads

where few have ever traveled,

settling in the end

for safety and comfort;

following paths well taken;

broken promises and lost paradises

tumble down like building

block houses on a child’s

playroom floor;

failure hurts,

fantasies and foolish feelings lost,

forever slipping from your grasp,

always just one reach too far,

always a little more than

you can hold;

time and flesh fade,

until finally

words are all that is left,

when in truth,

they are all there

ever was;

overcoming the night is never

an easy task;

yet still we try,

the best we can;

letting go of the dreams,

was never part of the plan;

yet still we do,

the best we can;

somewhere little boys are free

to play the games of men,

while dreaming of days ahead,

without running from the demons

of their past;

I am still here,

quietly waiting,

I will wait as long

as You require;

I will wait forever;

I belong to You,

I always have,

I always will;

You are my Lord,

You are my Master,

You are my God;

You are my Everything.

.

.

Discipline

Seek the Lord while he may be found; call on him while he is near. Let the wicked forsake his way and the evil man his thoughts. Let him turn to the Lord, and he will have mercy on him, and to our God, for he will freely pardon. “For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways” declares the Lord, “As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts.    Isaiah 55:6-9

There is a way which seemeth right unto a man, but the end thereof are the ways of death.   Proverbs 14:12

once more,

You open my eyes,

once again,

You hold up the mirror

before my wretched

and pitiful face,

revealing inner things

I could not see on my own,

showing the conceit

of all my preconceived ideas,

humbling the lofty and haughty spirit

by which I have walked,

crushing the self-righteous throne

upon which I have sat,

deflating the egotistical vanity

living inside;

proving that You alone,

know the hearts of men,

making me understand

that You, and You alone,

have the right to judge,

that there are ways

which seem right to a man,

but in the end lead to death;

Lord, forgive my selfish pride,

have mercy upon my wicked ways,

guide my blinded eyes,

lead me down Your holy paths,

use me for Your righteous will,

teach me Your perfect ways,

rebuke my errors and mistakes;

discipline me as a beloved son.

.

.