Thursday, October 29, 2015

Just On The Edge


















breathe deep,
the cool ocean air,
dance with the moment
for as long as you can,
feast with your eyes,
until they see no more;
make it last forever;
don’t let me lie down quietly,
let me go quickly and smoothly,
like a bird gliding through the air,
don’t let them know,
don’t let them see,
that this is all there is;
I never quite belong,
I never fit in,
I’m always somewhere,
just on the edge;
see me Oh LORD, here among the lost,
rescue me from this darkness,
hear my cry in the wilderness,
restore the light of day.
.

.


Raise Me Up




















the time has begun,
today shall be the day,
now is the answer,
here in lies the way;
in the morning when I rise,
You are there,
softly speaking to my soul,
humbling my swollen ego,
making me understand
the glory and magnificence
that is Yours alone;
throughout the day,
as my tongue speaks foolish vanities,
and my mind thinks self-absorbed,
hate filled thoughts,
You softly remind me;
gently rebuking,
patiently teaching;
raise me up O Lord,
help me to stand,
fill me with Your Holy Spirit,
consume me with Your wondrous fire,
surround me with Your marvelous love.
reach out Your mighty hand,
cleanse these filthy garments,
heal this damaged soul,
remake me in Your holy image,
remove anything not of You;
O magnificent Lord,
Light of heaven,
King of the universe,
Savior of the world,
let every voice sing praises unto You,
let every breath taken glorify
Your precious name.
.

.

Just One More Breath



























I am tired of living a life whose only function
is self-satisfaction, in a world where nothing really matters,
where goodness is measured in terms of self-indulgence
and self-glorification, success by total net worth;
I am tired of a life without You;
I think about how wonderful it will be,
when I am where You are at,
no more worry, no more fear,
no more disappointment,
no more turmoil, no more struggle,
no more doubt;
I think about how I long to leave this life behind,
step out of this fleshly prison, walk into Your waiting arms,
but then I remember how You lived Your life for me,
never once thinking of Yourself, struggling and sacrificing
through the agony and pain, bearing the isolation and shame,
giving up Your life that I might live;
You deserve every minute of my life,
every thought, every action, every breath,
You alone are my Lord and King,
You have so much more for me to do,
so many things left unfinished,
so much wasted time to make up for,
so I ask for just one more breath,
that I might serve You, just one more breath,
that Your name might be glorified;
just one more breath,
that I might breath it for You;
let every word spoken, be spoken for You,
let every breath breathed, be breathed for You,
for You alone are worthy,
You alone have overcome,
You alone are truth,
You alone are life.
.

.

Delusion
















For the secret power of lawlessness is already at work; but the one who now holds it back will continue to do so till he is taken out of the way. And then the lawless one will be revealed, whom the Lord Jesus will overthrow with the breath of his mouth and destroy by the splendor of his coming. The coming of the lawless one will be in accordance with the work of Satan displayed in all kinds of counterfeit miracles, signs and wonders, and in every sort of evil that deceives those who are perishing. They perish because they refused to love the truth and be saved. For this reason God sends them a powerful delusion so that they will believe the lie and so that all will be condemned who have not believed the truth but have delighted in wickedness.   II Thessalonians 2:7-12
Therefore in one day her plagues will overtake her; death, mourning and famine. She will be consumed by fire, for mighty is the Lord God who judges her.   Revelation 18:8
the joy does end, here in this land of limited sun,
cold hearted and alone, forsaken and forgotten,
the gate is closing, the gap is narrowing,
the light is starting to disappear,
there are things bigger than life,
bigger than death;
bigger than dreams;
even now they mock, twisting the truth,
creating monuments of self-glory,
worshiping idols of their own doing,
maligning anyone and everything,
laughing at the misery and suffering,
exploiting the helpless and weak,
drowning in self-proclaimed wisdom,
unable to understand truth,
incapable of anything more than what they are,
refusing to see past themselves,
seeking life, liberty and the pursuit of perpetual pleasure,
blinded by their superiority,
wallowing in the fantasy,
delighting in the delusion;
finding comfort in the lie.
.

.

A Cult of the Ordinary


























the dark night does approach,
silence fills the unending void,
there are consequences, for careless words
spoken in haste, prices to be paid for
miscommunications and mistaken identities,
we have crossed unknown lines and barriers,
without any thought for tomorrow,
settling for pennies on the dollar,
creating monuments of our own misgivings,
putting eternal wheels in motion which cannot
be undone, winning victories,
yet in the end, losing the war,
the last breath waits feverishly on wings
of majestic crows, black and sleek,
seeking refuge among the lost and forsaken
rubble, congregating just outside
these prison walls, waiting for no one,
seeking nothing;
nothing at all;
they never see past the veil,
this charade, this hideously pathetic impression,
for most it is business as usual,
part of the routine;
a cult of the ordinary.
.

.

Thursday, October 22, 2015

All That is Left



















Greater love has no one than this: to lay down one’s life for one’s friends.   John 15:13
“If the world hates you, keep in mind that it hated me first. If you belonged to the world, it would love you as its own. As it is, you do not belong to the world, but I have chosen you out of the world. That is why the world hates you.”   John 15:18-19
If I speak in the tongues of men or of angels, but do not have love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but do not have love, I am nothing. If I give all I possess to the poor and give over my body to hardship that I may boast, but do not have love, I gain nothing. Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away. For we know in part and we prophesy in part, but when completeness comes, what is in part disappears. When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put the ways of childhood behind me. For now we see only a reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known. And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.   1 Corinthians 13:1-13
love is not about telling someone what they want to hear,
not about being positive, or keeping your mouth shut,
not happy thoughts or living in fantasy worlds
which do not exist;
love is telling someone what they need to hear,
whether it means they will love you in return or not,
love is sometimes struggle and pain,
sometimes sorrow and tears;
sometimes torture and death;
the world does not understand love such as this,
just as it does not understand that someday,
when the flesh has withered and decayed,
when knowledge and wisdom are gone,
when hope and faith serve no purpose;
all that will be left is love.
.

.

Sunday, October 18, 2015

small minds






















small minds look for weakness
wherever they can find it,
it makes them bigger than they really are,
more than they will ever be,
searching for a home that never was,
wandering like roaming gypsies
across desert plains,
mindless, aimless;
doomed;
time is not a friend,
it takes until there is nothing left,
leaving no trace,
destroying everything
in its path,
without witness,
without hope;
the enemy waits within,
silently ready, alarmingly knowing,
gnawing away, a growing whisper,
an unknown touch,
a dark, mindless shadow,
“just a little farther” it hisses,
just one more momentary lapse longer,
just one small break in protocol,
better safe than sorry,
sooner or later it comes to us all;
time is not a friend;
small minds never journey
past the mistakes,
trapped by the insecurity,
lost within the fear;
forever stuck in the glue.
.

.

tired






life was silent this morning,
distant and confused;
I am tired of the pain,
I am tired of the suffering;
yet still You raise me up,
even now You carry me forward;
without You there is nothing;
the dreams grow,
the time is almost here,
the moment rushes forward,
payment past due,
the taste becomes bitter,
inside this dry and dying
cauldron;
I am tired of the pain,
I am tired of the suffering;
yet still You raise me up,
even now You carry me forward;
without You there is nothing.
.

.

eventually


















I cannot go where you are,
in this land of impossible perfection,
this home of beautiful dreams and
never ending fantasies where
tears do not fall,
a world for others;
not us;
in the morning I watch your face
for the last time,
we both know words
will never be enough;
everything ends,
everything is temporary,
everything just an illusion,
always just a touch beyond possibility,
always a bit more
than can be imagined;
this great sorrow,
this magnificent sadness,
this other reality;
eventually truth catches up
with us all.
.

.

Indignity






















around 4 am it finally comes,
it seems to take longer now,
slower, deliberate,
more mindful,
this is how it is when you get older,
the way it was meant to be;
recovery is never quite
the same;
I remember many things,
things no one knows,
things about which no one cares,
hot summer nights,
stars shining in the sky,
like newly discovered jewels,
fresh and clean,
your skin, soft and warm,
your touch;
like a long lost friend;
the end draws closer,
not much longer now,
I am ready,
the bags are all packed,
I have been waiting
for such a very long time,
soon the indignity will stop,
the suffering fade;
soon enough,
soon enough;
a quiet, peaceful sanctuary
amidst the storm,
a final sleep,
before the breaking dawn.
.

.

Friday, October 16, 2015

excerpt from 'Memoirs'



























  I have died or should have died 3 times in my life. I know that is a hard statement to accept, but I believe it to be true. The three incidents all happened in an approximate 2 year time frame from the age of 8 to 10. The first time was when I was in 3rd Grade at the LaSalle Elementary School. It was recess, there were some old concrete barrels on the playground. They laid on their sides and stood about 4 ft tall. There was probably 6 of them in a row and they were separated by about a foot, you had to jump to go from one to the other. Thinking back I believe they must have been old storm drains or sewer piping but to us kids they were just fun. You could hide inside or you could pull yourself up on top and run and jump from one barrel to the next. In today’s world they would never be allowed on an elementary school playground, totally unsafe and dangerous, but back then people didn’t care as much about those things they let kids experiment and figure out what was safe and what wasn’t. I was jumping from one barrel to the next when I must have slipped, I don’t remember slipping or falling, all I remember was being in a very dark place with a light and a figure standing in the light. I remember feeling that I wanted to go to that figure but then I opened my eyes and I was back on the playground, laying on my back and all the kids were standing around staring at me. Then the bell rang for the end of recess, I got up and we all went back to our classes. I or none of my classmates said a word about it to our teacher and I never told my parents so that was the end of it. The second time happened in my back yard, when I was about 8 or 9 years old. I was swinging on the swing set we had in our yard and it was my habit to get swinging as high as I could (without going upside down) then jumping out of the swing and landing on my feet, usually falling down. This time I jumped from the swing, just as I had done hundreds of times before, but this time all I remember was my legs going higher and my body starting to go upside down, and then nothing. When I came too, our next door neighbor, Mrs. Donna Smith, whose son Jack was my best friend, and the wife of a Nazarene Pastor was holding me in her arms with tears streaming down her face and talking in some strange language. Many years later I would come to understand this as ‘talking in tongues’, which the bible talks about as being a very special prayer language between our souls and God. When my mom came running outside Mrs. Smith stopped talking and she told my mom what happened and then everything returned to normal. Many years later in the winter of 2010, I had the chance to visit with Mrs. Smith, who was by now a widow, and I asked her if she remembered that incident. She got a faraway look in her eyes and quietly said “yes, I remember” and didn’t say another word. I could tell that she didn’t want to talk about it so I never brought it up again. The third time was a little bit after the swing incident. My friend Jack (Mrs. Smith’s son) and I were on the same little league team, the Braves. We used to have practice at Bertrand Elementary School which was about 2 or 3 miles from my house. Jack and I used to ride our bikes to practice and then stop at the A&W Root Beer Stand on our way home (it was on the way, lol). We were riding to practice and had to cross a busy intersection (3rd St). We stopped and I remember seeing the car, but for some strange reason I mindlessly started riding across 3rd street. I remember Jack screaming “NOOOO!”. I looked at the car and it was almost on top of me, I had no time to react or do anything. Then it was like everything was moving in slow motion, I remember the front of my bike being picked up and my bike being turned sideways, just as the car went whizzing by, inches away. I remember Jack staring at me, similar to the way the kids on the playground had stared, and then we continued on to practice like nothing happened. I don't think kids ask many questions about things like that, they just accept and believe.
,
,

Saturday, October 10, 2015

Experienced





















I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do all this through him who gives me strength.   Philippians 4:12-13
have you ever been experienced? – Jimi Hendrix
the overwhelming hunger fades, the cruel,
dark night disappears, rolling like a soft, ocean wave,
into far off, distant shores, gone forever;
all your life, searching, wandering, waiting,
a prisoner of fear, a slave to desires, without fulfillment,
without satisfaction, without destination,
released by the Master, pardoned by the King;
set free by the truth;
nothing more to prove, nothing more to obtain,
the evening train awaits, the light shines bright ahead,
the dawn breaks clear, the battle already won,
the path leads to home;
I am ready.
.

.

Friday, October 9, 2015

There I Shall Be






















when the smoke has all cleared, as springtime sun
turns to summer fire, do not search for darkness
among the light, for it will not be found,
rather search for far off hills of sand, in the land of initial birth,
where it is I patiently wait, tasting your sweet lips
in the night time air, calling your precious name upon the
east bound wind, looking out upon the cold blue sea,
for as far as the eye can see, here is where the future shall dwell,
here it is where the past shall die, here in this land of setting suns
and new final beginnings;
call out my name, and I shall answer,
climb to the top, and there I shall be.
.

.

Deliver Me
















within nighttime dreams,
I walk in cold, forsaken places,
dark, dead lost places,
far beyond the reach of hope;
I listen to the suffering,
I hear the sorrow,
I feel the pain,
I know the emptiness;
they are places through which
I have walked before;
when I awake, You are there,
standing by my side,
never letting go,
never walking away;
healing me,
renewing me,
blessing me,
when I deserve nothing,
forgiving me,
when I can not forgive myself,
reminding me that without You.
I can never overcome;
deliver me O Lord,
from dark, dead places,
lost and forgotten places,
hidden within the shadows of dreams,
take away the emptiness as only You can;
hold me now, bathe me in Your light,
fill me with Your love,
surround me with Your glory,
let me belong to You forever;
my Savior,
my King,
my God;
my Everything.
.

.

I Thirst




Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness, for they will be filled.   Matthew 5:6
Jesus answered, “Everyone who drinks this water will be thirsty again, but whoever drinks the water I give them will never thirst. Indeed, the water I give them will become in them a spring of water welling up to eternal life.”   John 4:13-14
After this, Jesus knowing that all things were now accomplished, that the scripture might be fulfilled, saith, I thirst. Now there was set a vessel full of vinegar: and they filled a sponge with vinegar, and put it upon hyssop, and put it to his mouth. When Jesus therefore had received the vinegar, he said, It is finished: and he bowed his head, and gave up the ghost.   John 19:28-30
I thirst O Lord,
for Your wisdom and knowledge,
I hunger for Your love and peace,
I live for Your truth and light,
I seek Your mercy and grace;
Your words rest within my soul,
like rare and precious jewels,
perfect in every way,
shining brilliant and bright,
worth more than all the wealth,
all the power, this world has to offer,
providing depth and understanding beyond my
limited comprehension, opening my blinded eyes,
bringing vision and hope;
deliver me O Lord,
from the evil of this eternal night,
hold my hand until the end,
help me rise above the moment,
free me from the enemy’s traps and snares,
guide my journey along these dark and treacherous paths,
forgive my trespasses, see past my weakness,
allow me to be a witness to Your never ending glory,
let my lips praise Your righteous and holy name;
to You do I belong,
in You shall I remain;
my Lord!
my King!
my Savior!
my God!
my Everything!
I thirst O Lord,
for You.
.
.

Hot Summer Nights

























in the dead of the night, the quiet becomes a roar,
as the stench of days gone by, and love that never was,
rises from their sewer pits far below,
and no one ever notices, except for the few
who recognize the familiar scent,
it is one they have felt many times before;



hot summer nights,
were made for lonely cups of coffee,
and empty highway lines.
.
.

.

Sunday, October 4, 2015

Truth



















Jesus looked directly at them and asked, “Then what is the meaning of that which is written:  ‘The stone the builders rejected has become the capstone’?  Everyone who falls on that stone will be broken to pieces, but he on whom it falls will be crushed”   Luke 20:17-18
“If you love me, keep my commands. And I will ask the Father, and he will give you another advocate to help you and be with you forever— the Spirit of truth. The world cannot accept him, because it neither sees him nor knows him. But you know him, for he lives with you and will be in you.   John 14:15-17
Jesus answered, “I am the way and the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me. If you really know me, you will know my Father as well. From now on, you do know him and have seen him.”   John 14:6-7
I am astonished that you are so quickly deserting the one who called you to live in the grace of Christ and are turning to a different gospel— which is really no gospel at all. Evidently some people are throwing you into confusion and are trying to pervert the gospel of Christ. But even if we or an angel from heaven should preach a gospel other than the one we preached to you, let them be under God’s curse! As we have already said, so now I say again: If anybody is preaching to you a gospel other than what you accepted, let them be under God’s curse!   Galatians 1:6-9
lost in this sea of darkness,
sentenced to die from the day we are born,
guilty as charged, eternally separated,
forever gone;
the dreams of men are like birds on the wind,
shifting and rearranging, living and dying,
here today, gone tomorrow;
truth;
from where does it come?
to where does it go?
it rattles around inside, bouncing back and forth,
like some misguided missile, and just when
you think you have the answer, you come to the
stark, brutal realization;
you’ve only scratched the surface;
truth;
so seemingly simple, yet so profoundly complex,
separating darkness from light,
bringing dawn to the fading night,
cutting hard and deep with surgeon-like
precision and skill, providing comfort and mercy,
while dispensing perfect judgment and justice;
truth is absolute,
truth is forever,
truth never changes,
truth never compromises,
truth is condemnation,
truth is salvation all rolled into one;
truth is the stone upon which everyone who falls
will be broken to pieces, but he on whom it falls
will be crushed;
truth is Jesus Christ;
there are many roads in life,
leading to far away, unknown destinations,
creating their own specific brand of justification,
finding their own particular version of truth,
but no matter how many truths we create,
no matter how many different ways
we want to believe;
there is only one truth,
there is only one way,
there is only one road;
it does not bend to fit our ideas or desires,
it does not go in the direction we demand it to go,
it is final, it is absolute;
that is how truth works;
enter through the narrow gate,
for wide is the gate and broad is the road
that leads to destruction, and many enter through it,
but small is the gate and narrow the road
that leads to life, and only a few find it.
.

.

Followers

Blog Archive